Monday, January 30, 2012

I've Been Writing Again

I'm sure that this just cursed it - but I am actually writing again. It feels brilliant. So stinking exciting.

I feel like it's been years since I've been able to just write. I'm at a point in my life where my mind is pondering and my life is crazy - yet writing provides therapy and not disappointment. That's a beautiful feeling my friends.

I went through a difficult period in the fall of 2010. It sucked away my ability to blog. I wasn't ready to go public, yet I felt any post I would write would be fake and filled with hypocrisy. So I just kept my writing to myself. I somehow lost my heart for blogging.

 Now, I'm writing again. At least I'm trying to. I'm trying to write consistently and honestly - 2 of my biggest writing struggles. I consider this an experiment to see if I can accomplish either.

 I also changed platforms. I'm checking out Posterous right now. It's not a forever platform, but I'm trying to simplify things and just focus on content. That may be a bit too radical for our ascetics addicted blogging culture, but it's who I want to be at this point in my busy life.

 I feel as if I'm pumping out some of the best stuff I've ever done.
 I'm talking about dreaming, Jesus, and human trafficking. I'm writing about stuff that matters. Things that I am passionate about. I can't describe how beautiful that feels. If you want to get in on the action - here are a few of my favorite posts for you to check out.

Monday, November 21, 2011

The Heart of the Matter - Being a Girl

 Within each girl's heart is this everpresent longing. There's this desire that pertrudes to the deepest part of us and insists on being known. Despite our vain attempts to hide it in independence and pride, it's still there: a need to be cherished and loved.

 It goes beyond the fact that we were a generation raised on Disney and Darcy. It goes beyond the pressures put on us by media and society to be in relationships. It goes to the root. It's why those other things exist. It's in the very fiber of our being.

 The most tomboy girls I know, still want to be loved in a breathless, romantic, larger than life sort of way. I've yet to meet anyone who'd truly argue it's any different than that. Because though we may at times fight it - we claim "we are woman. Hear us roar." - we have our nights where we lay in bed and dream. We have the times when we're watching a movie and something hits that piece of our souls. We have days where we wish that "the one" would just hurry up and reveal himself already. And if you're a girl reading this who doesn't relate, let me know.

Why do we experience this? What's the reason that we all seem to have these stupid emotions that often seem like they are doing us more harm than help? How can we be level headed and smart towards a million things - but mangage to find ourselves tangled into a fuzzy ball of yarn in a certain situation? From the depths of who I am, I believe that this is because we were created, on purpose, to be this way.

 Now, that might sound rather cruel. It's easy to wonder, "is God sitting up in heaven laughing at the fact that I just Facebook stalked this guy because I was horribly attracted to him?" or "does God not believe in sleep and dry eyes?" but really, this deep longing of love can be a good thing - because it can be what draws us towards God.

 We were made to know and to be known. We were made to love and recieve the most ballin' love the world has ever known. Yet our hearts aren't good anymore because stupid sin messes everything up. So instead of running to the one that can fill that desire that we all have, we run to stupid men. We think that if we have the fairy tale ending, if a man gets on one knee or tells us everything we want to hear, that our hearts will be full. Yet Jon Foreman once wrote this bit of pondering, "I don't know why it always goes down hill. Why broken cisterns never could stay filled," and I think we've experience that ourselves. Only in filling the God shaped void with God can the hole be filled. I believe that God created us with a desire to be loved by men simply because it shows us how much more we need to be loved by God.

 Fairy tales are great. I love them. But I know that if I someday get the pleasure of falling madly in love with an amazing man, it'll never compare the grandness that's found in falling madly in love with the Creator of the universe. Because with a love like that, you know you should be glad. 

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Heart of an Artist

What makes being an artist so hard? Not just a visual artist but a musician, actor, writer, and every other creative genre? Simply put, it's this:

"What has been will be again, 
   what has been done will be done again; 
   there is nothing new under the sun. 
 Is there anything of which one can say, 
   “Look! This is something new”? 
It was here already, long ago; 
   it was here before our time."

 Ecclesiastes 1:9-10

 The struggle of an artist is not to create something new, but to say or do something that has been done and told a million times before in a way that no one else ever has. That my friend, is what makes artists go mentally insane.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


 When it comes to the topic of perfection, practicing what I preach is an extreme challenge. I want perfection. In everything. Without having to work at it. Yes, I'm a lazy hypocrite, I know that. But it's simply true.

 In my writing, I want perfection. I want to be the best. I'm extremely competitive, something which I hide very well. This winter I joined the speech team and wrote my own creative expression piece. Hours upon hours were poured into perfecting my piece, yet it was controversial as it dealt with topics of a troubled teen (into witchcraft, suicidal, etc) who came to Christ and ends up dying in a school shooting. Not only did I get biased against because of the Christianity aspect but also the fact I was using a historical story. For next year, I'm determined to make it to state and am already planning out how to accomplish that. To make it to state you have to make it to the top three in sections in a category where there are up to thirty competitors. So my strategy is to be unique, thought provoking, and intense without being controversial.

But am I losing sight of the true goal? To make people think and turn their thoughts toward God? It was interesting at speech this year, everyone knew what I believed just from hearing my piece. It definitely added pressure to how I conducted myself at meets and on bus rides, but it was a really awesome opportunity. If I go in a different direction next year, will I be selling out?
 I want to go to state and dominate state. I want to get first at a meet instead of 4th (my highest placing last season). But what's the price for "perfection"? And is selling out perfection anyway?

 These are the thoughts in my head. I decided that I was just going to write whatever was on my mind and I guess this is it. It's really weird to write something like this, it's not my usual style and not my best by any stretch of the imagination. But it's raw. And I think that's what my writing currently needs. I need to take the rawness of my songs and poems and put them into posts. Scary. But you know what? I think it's a step towards true "perfection". The real kind. 

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

A Love for the Spoken Word

 Poetry slam.
 Two simple words instantly put me into a cozy little cafe with people wearing scarves and snapping their fingers with one hand and sipping tea with the other. The concept of spoken word has enraptured me since I was about six and watched Anne Shirley recite The Lady of Shallot in Anne of Green Gables. That beautiful, intense, lustrous way of putting life into poetry is what makes me love poetry. Needless to say, when my English teacher announced a poetry slam for an assignment, I was pumped.

 She ended up turning our poetry slam into a legitimate contest. Two students from her four classes were selected to go on to a final found to compete and I got the privilege of being one of them. This is the piece I wrote for the slam and I just wanted to shave it with you all. Enjoy!

Monday, May 2, 2011

To Blog or Not to Blog

 To be or not to be - that is the question I have been asking myself when it comes to this little blog. It's been nine months since I last posted on here and a lot happens in that amount of time. The last nine months have been incredibly life altering as God has been shaping me into someone who I've never been before. That has required some insanely hard times and painful exposure to character flaws and hidden sins. It's been a difficult journey over the last nine months, but I know that it was essential to becoming the person God wants me to be.

 Lately, I've been pondering a return to blogging. I am starting to miss it and the sense of accountability it gives you to simply write. I want to be more honest and real in my writings and simply put, raw. So that brings me to a question I am hoping for some help on. To keep Nobody416 and just revamp it a bit, or start again from scratch. Total new beginnings with no set pattern to follow. I want your opinions - stick with what I got - or go with something new?

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Let's Start at the Very Beginning

 Well here's your prize! A posts filled with pictures of my beautiful boys!! Hudson James and Harper John the two most adorable boys in the world!!! Here are the pictures from the first month or so that they were in our house back in spring of '09. Newer pictures coming shortly! (And all these were from my super cheap point and shoot so they aren't that great quality.)

In the car on the way home. :)

                                                                 Hudson with his "crabby face".

Harper's 1st birthday... liking the cupcake. :)

Me with my favorite boys in the world!!!

Harper loves the computer and music already!

First time ice fishing... now they LOVE it!!