Ever since I can remember, my little sister has had a pretty decent amount of discretion about modesty for someone who is mildly mentally disabled. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “that’s not a-poa-pea-et” (appropriate) when she sees a woman scantily clad.
As a girl, when you are young, modesty sounds just as simple as that. Up until we reach that fateful day when we move into the junior’s department, our biggest choice we make about modesty is to choose a one piece or tankini over the bikini. Then, we reach adolescences and everything changes and we slowly begin to see that modesty of dress gets so incredibly complicated.
At first, all that’s dangled before us are tank tops and camisoles that are cut a little too low, and shorts that are a little too short. Then, slowly things begin to pile on. We start noticing women and teens that are oh so beautiful and what they’re wearing is oh so cute but covers less then desired. Our friends start to talk about cute undergarments and the clothes at every single clothing store get more immodest and more alluring.
Then, the older we get, the worse it gets as we are attacked with pushup bras, plunging necklines, miniskirts, short shorts, thongs, low rise skinny jeans that cut off the circulation in your legs, tight t-shirts, and bikinis that are the only swimsuits that are cute. In addition, we are faced with a world of men that drool when Victoria's Secret commercials come on the TV, that fall head over heals into lust with the hot girls with the great bods, and that make fun of us and are downright cruel if we have any value of modesty or purity.
We live in a world that tells us our value is in our sex appeal and without it we are worthless.
I don’t think guys realize the war that Christian girls face when it comes to modesty. Every time we go into a store, see a magazine, turn on the TV, we are told that we are stupid. Every time we see a cute shirt that would look amazing on our body but know it would lead other men astray, we are fighting a never-ending battle. Shopping can seem like torture as we tear through the racks of clothing to find something that we wont feel half naked wearing but will still be cute.
We as women want men to see us as desirable and beautiful and we want other women to desire to be us. Above all, we want to be loved. The desire that we have to be cherished, worthy of admiration, and loved runs deep within our veins. That’s why the romance genre of books and movies does so well. We want that. We want a guy to be so crazy about us that he can’t seem to get us out of his mind. We want a fairy tale with a man that will do anything for us.
Yet we live in a world that tells us the only way to turn a man’s head, let alone his heart, is to be sexy. I wonder how many thousands of girls and women have cried themselves to sleep because they bought the lie and eventually they found out that the men whose heads are turned by flirting and miniskirts will only use them for sex, then dump them without a care. How many other girls have cried them selves to sleep because of mean and derogatory words from men when they didn’t look like they stepped off the cover of a fashion magazine?
The Temptation to Give In
Sometimes it seems like a hopeless battle to even try to fight. With the lies constantly, from every angle, shouting at us relentlessly to give in, we are so often tempted to just buy the stupid shirt that might finally give us some attention from men. It seems like we are doing it all for nothing when we look around and we don’t see many guys that aren’t staring at the chest of a cleavage-baring woman.
We are told by the Christian world that modesty will pay off; that someday a man with cherish us for that modesty, but we take a look around our schools, our communities, even our churches, and we wonder where those guys are. I’ve been privileged to know guys that are like that, but so many other girls haven’t met a single man with the integrity to look away from the bra commercial as it blares across the TV screen. It doesn’t seem worth it.
Fighting Together for Holiness
Men and women need to ultimately work together on the issues of modesty and lust. Guys have their responsibility to fight off their lustful passions and women have a responsibility not to stir up those passions. And if guys feel that women need to be modest, and at the same time oogle over the bodies of immodest women, we view the guys as complete hypocrites and feel utterly betrayed. The more that men work the fight off lust, the easier it is to be modest and the more that women are modest, the easier it for men to have pure thoughts.
Instead of slamming each other for failing, we need to be helping one another in this battle of sexuality and purity that rages around us. We need to point out when we see someone else doing well and if they are of the opposite gender and it’s appropriate to do so, to thank them. If you have siblings, the opportunities are plentiful. Guys, tell your sisters when they look cute and also when they are dressing immodestly because we don’t always realize it. And girls, let’s give our bros high fives every time they turn away from the Victoria's Secret commercial or the magazine in the checkout line.
We really can’t do this on our own. Because if all guys are consumed with lust, many of us girls will just plain give up because it’s hard and doesn’t always seem worth the effort. And if all girls are immodest, then it makes it even harder for guys to not give into viewing women as a piece of meat. And above all we need God. There is no other way that we can refuse the natural and strive for the heavenly.
