Tuesday, May 24, 2011


 When it comes to the topic of perfection, practicing what I preach is an extreme challenge. I want perfection. In everything. Without having to work at it. Yes, I'm a lazy hypocrite, I know that. But it's simply true.

 In my writing, I want perfection. I want to be the best. I'm extremely competitive, something which I hide very well. This winter I joined the speech team and wrote my own creative expression piece. Hours upon hours were poured into perfecting my piece, yet it was controversial as it dealt with topics of a troubled teen (into witchcraft, suicidal, etc) who came to Christ and ends up dying in a school shooting. Not only did I get biased against because of the Christianity aspect but also the fact I was using a historical story. For next year, I'm determined to make it to state and am already planning out how to accomplish that. To make it to state you have to make it to the top three in sections in a category where there are up to thirty competitors. So my strategy is to be unique, thought provoking, and intense without being controversial.

But am I losing sight of the true goal? To make people think and turn their thoughts toward God? It was interesting at speech this year, everyone knew what I believed just from hearing my piece. It definitely added pressure to how I conducted myself at meets and on bus rides, but it was a really awesome opportunity. If I go in a different direction next year, will I be selling out?
 I want to go to state and dominate state. I want to get first at a meet instead of 4th (my highest placing last season). But what's the price for "perfection"? And is selling out perfection anyway?

 These are the thoughts in my head. I decided that I was just going to write whatever was on my mind and I guess this is it. It's really weird to write something like this, it's not my usual style and not my best by any stretch of the imagination. But it's raw. And I think that's what my writing currently needs. I need to take the rawness of my songs and poems and put them into posts. Scary. But you know what? I think it's a step towards true "perfection". The real kind. 

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