Nobody416

I've Been Writing Again

2012-01-30T23:38:00.003-06:00

I'm sure that this just cursed it - but I am actually writing again. It feels brilliant. So stinking exciting.

I feel like it's been years since I've been able to just write. I'm at a point in my life where my mind is pondering and my life is crazy - yet writing provides therapy and not disappointment. That's a beautiful feeling my friends.

I went through a difficult period in the fall of 2010. It sucked away my ability to blog. I wasn't ready to go public, yet I felt any post I would write would be fake and filled with hypocrisy. So I just kept my writing to myself. I somehow lost my heart for blogging.

Now, I'm writing again. At least I'm trying to. I'm trying to write consistently and honestly - 2 of my biggest writing struggles. I consider this an experiment to see if I can accomplish either.

I also changed platforms. I'm checking out Posterous right now. It's not a forever platform, but I'm trying to simplify things and just focus on content. That may be a bit too radical for our ascetics addicted blogging culture, but it's who I want to be at this point in my busy life.

I feel as if I'm pumping out some of the best stuff I've ever done.
I'm talking about dreaming, Jesus, and human trafficking. I'm writing about stuff that matters. Things that I am passionate about. I can't describe how beautiful that feels. If you want to get in on the action - here are a few of my favorite posts for you to check out.

The Heart of the Matter - Being a Girl

2011-11-21T21:01:00.001-06:00

Within each girl's heart is this everpresent longing. There's this desire that pertrudes to the deepest part of us and insists on being known. Despite our vain attempts to hide it in independence and pride, it's still there: a need to be cherished and loved.

It goes beyond the fact that we were a generation raised on Disney and Darcy. It goes beyond the pressures put on us by media and society to be in relationships. It goes to the root. It's why those other things exist. It's in the very fiber of our being.

The most tomboy girls I know, still want to be loved in a breathless, romantic, larger than life sort of way. I've yet to meet anyone who'd truly argue it's any different than that. Because though we may at times fight it - we claim "we are woman. Hear us roar." - we have our nights where we lay in bed and dream. We have the times when we're watching a movie and something hits that piece of our souls. We have days where we wish that "the one" would just hurry up and reveal himself already. And if you're a girl reading this who doesn't relate, let me know.

Why do we experience this? What's the reason that we all seem to have these stupid emotions that often seem like they are doing us more harm than help? How can we be level headed and smart towards a million things - but mangage to find ourselves tangled into a fuzzy ball of yarn in a certain situation? From the depths of who I am, I believe that this is because we were created, on purpose, to be this way.

Now, that might sound rather cruel. It's easy to wonder, "is God sitting up in heaven laughing at the fact that I just Facebook stalked this guy because I was horribly attracted to him?" or "does God not believe in sleep and dry eyes?" but really, this deep longing of love can be a good thing - because it can be what draws us towards God.

We were made to know and to be known. We were made to love and recieve the most ballin' love the world has ever known. Yet our hearts aren't good anymore because stupid sin messes everything up. So instead of running to the one that can fill that desire that we all have, we run to stupid men. We think that if we have the fairy tale ending, if a man gets on one knee or tells us everything we want to hear, that our hearts will be full. Yet Jon Foreman once wrote this bit of pondering, "I don't know why it always goes down hill. Why broken cisterns never could stay filled," and I think we've experience that ourselves. Only in filling the God shaped void with God can the hole be filled. I believe that God created us with a desire to be loved by men simply because it shows us how much more we need to be loved by God.

Fairy tales are great. I love them. But I know that if I someday get the pleasure of falling madly in love with an amazing man, it'll never compare the grandness that's found in falling madly in love with the Creator of the universe. Because with a love like that, you know you should be glad.

Heart of an Artist

2011-06-11T10:40:00.002-05:00

What makes being an artist so hard? Not just a visual artist but a musician, actor, writer, and every other creative genre? Simply put, it's this:

"What has been will be again,

what has been done will be done again;

there is nothing new under the sun.

Is there anything of which one can say,

“Look! This is something new”?

It was here already, long ago;

it was here before our time."

Ecclesiastes 1:9-10

The struggle of an artist is not to create something new, but to say or do something that has been done and told a million times before in a way that no one else ever has. That my friend, is what makes artists go mentally insane.

Perfect?

2011-05-24T18:40:00.000-05:00

When it comes to the topic of perfection, practicing what I preach is an extreme challenge. I want perfection. In everything. Without having to work at it. Yes, I'm a lazy hypocrite, I know that. But it's simply true.

In my writing, I want perfection. I want to be the best. I'm extremely competitive, something which I hide very well. This winter I joined the speech team and wrote my own creative expression piece. Hours upon hours were poured into perfecting my piece, yet it was controversial as it dealt with topics of a troubled teen (into witchcraft, suicidal, etc) who came to Christ and ends up dying in a school shooting. Not only did I get biased against because of the Christianity aspect but also the fact I was using a historical story. For next year, I'm determined to make it to state and am already planning out how to accomplish that. To make it to state you have to make it to the top three in sections in a category where there are up to thirty competitors. So my strategy is to be unique, thought provoking, and intense without being controversial.

But am I losing sight of the true goal? To make people think and turn their thoughts toward God? It was interesting at speech this year, everyone knew what I believed just from hearing my piece. It definitely added pressure to how I conducted myself at meets and on bus rides, but it was a really awesome opportunity. If I go in a different direction next year, will I be selling out?

I want to go to state and dominate state. I want to get first at a meet instead of 4th (my highest placing last season). But what's the price for "perfection"? And is selling out perfection anyway?

These are the thoughts in my head. I decided that I was just going to write whatever was on my mind and I guess this is it. It's really weird to write something like this, it's not my usual style and not my best by any stretch of the imagination. But it's raw. And I think that's what my writing currently needs. I need to take the rawness of my songs and poems and put them into posts. Scary. But you know what? I think it's a step towards true "perfection". The real kind.

A Love for the Spoken Word

2011-05-10T22:17:00.000-05:00

Poetry slam.
Two simple words instantly put me into a cozy little cafe with people wearing scarves and snapping their fingers with one hand and sipping tea with the other. The concept of spoken word has enraptured me since I was about six and watched Anne Shirley recite The Lady of Shallot in Anne of Green Gables. That beautiful, intense, lustrous way of putting life into poetry is what makes me love poetry. Needless to say, when my English teacher announced a poetry slam for an assignment, I was pumped.

She ended up turning our poetry slam into a legitimate contest. Two students from her four classes were selected to go on to a final found to compete and I got the privilege of being one of them. This is the piece I wrote for the slam and I just wanted to shave it with you all. Enjoy!

To Blog or Not to Blog

2011-05-02T17:38:00.001-05:00

To be or not to be - that is the question I have been asking myself when it comes to this little blog. It's been nine months since I last posted on here and a lot happens in that amount of time. The last nine months have been incredibly life altering as God has been shaping me into someone who I've never been before. That has required some insanely hard times and painful exposure to character flaws and hidden sins. It's been a difficult journey over the last nine months, but I know that it was essential to becoming the person God wants me to be.

Lately, I've been pondering a return to blogging. I am starting to miss it and the sense of accountability it gives you to simply write. I want to be more honest and real in my writings and simply put, raw. So that brings me to a question I am hoping for some help on. To keep Nobody416 and just revamp it a bit, or start again from scratch. Total new beginnings with no set pattern to follow. I want your opinions - stick with what I got - or go with something new?

Let's Start at the Very Beginning

2010-08-05T13:21:00.000-05:00

Well here's your prize! A posts filled with pictures of my beautiful boys!! Hudson James and Harper John the two most adorable boys in the world!!! Here are the pictures from the first month or so that they were in our house back in spring of '09. Newer pictures coming shortly! (And all these were from my super cheap point and shoot so they aren't that great quality.)

In the car on the way home. :)

Hudson with his "crabby face".

Harper's 1st birthday... liking the cupcake. :)

Me with my favorite boys in the world!!!

Harper loves the computer and music already!

First time ice fishing... now they LOVE it!!

Guess What?!

2010-07-22T09:12:00.001-05:00

What does this picture mean?

I'll give you three guesses. Once you guess right, you get a "prize". :)

I'm Back... sort of...

2010-07-11T21:37:00.000-05:00

Technically I've been back for the last week since spending 3 weeks at 2 different camps. The first week was a teen serve week where I and 14 other teens went and got the campgrounds ready for camp by washing hundreds and hundreds of dishes and doing different projects. The second week I was counseling at the same camp for a cabin of 10 (yes, ten!) 10-11 year olds. (And I was the lead counselor... which wasn't exactly what I was expecting.) It was absolutely crazy and insane and challenging, but God did so much that week both in my cabin and the camp as a whole. Words can't describe that week and I've never had to rely so much on God's strength. By the end of the week I was so incredibly fried and devoid of everything I had mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

And that brings us to the 3rd week... which was spent at a different camp going as a camper for my own age group. My dad was speaking so I ended up going and it was really, really good. God really used it as a time to refresh my soul and clear my mind and it was exactly what I needed. The hardest part was having gone from spending every single day for 2 weeks with some really close friends to having absolutely zero contact with them. But God used the time away from those friends to teach me dependence on Him.

God used camp to bond me insanely tight to 2 of my friends and unite the 3 of us (James, Ashley, and me) into a dynamic team. We're looking forward to this year and seeing what God has in store.

Also, blogging is not a top priority at all with me at this time. I have so many people that need my attention right now between my family, my friends, and "my girls" (aka, the jr. high girls in my life that I'm trying to invest into heavily at this point). Then add onto that my church and other things and my blog just sort of fades to not being that important. So it's not that I'm not going to blog anymore, it's just a warning that I wont likely be posting with any regularity... but I think that's been evident for awhile.

God bless you all and have a fantastic summer!

Goodbye Tech World - Hello Camp!

2010-06-13T06:57:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone, just a quick goodbye and mention that I'll be at camp for the next 3 weeks! I'll be home on the weekends, but those are jam packed already so the chance of me blogging is quite low. I shall return in July though. See you when I get back!

3 Original Songs!

2010-06-05T17:34:00.000-05:00

Today I have 3 VERY exciting videos to show you....

This is a song that I wrote just this afternoon that I really like. I understand that it's shaky still (especially vocally) but I felt compelled to share it. It really just deals with what God has been laying on my heart lately (or at least part of what He's been saying to me). I've just felt so much being laid on my heart just in the last few days and it's been such an answer to prayer. So this is basically my reaction to that.
Lyrics are as follows:

I am in awe of your mercy

You have spoken grace over me

I am at a loss for words

You have given me more then I deserve

Perfect love casts all fear out

Perfect love sets captive free

Perfect love is the gift that You’ve given me

Speaking softly speaking plain

You sing heaven’s sweet refrain

Further up and further in

To Your very presence

Lovely lovely

Pour it all down at your feel

Holy Holy

You judge righteously

"Clay Man" is a song I co-wrote with my dear friend Channyn the same day we did our photo shoot. I am so happy with this song and love it to death! She did a great job with the lyrics and I was happy with how the melody/music turned out. I am finding that I absolutely LOVE to collaborate on songwriting. It gives some variation from what I would normally do.

Lyrics:
Breath into me the breath of life
Shape me to Your imagination
Wet down my clay and let the old me melt
Then pick up the pieces and let me try again with You

Oh I once was a hollow clay man
Living without a soul
But then You wet me down and reformed me by Your breath
Oh I once was a hollow clay man

One day I was roaming around the road
Aimlessly searching for something to take off my load
You pulled me over and shared with me a secret
You told me I was ill

Oh and I'm sure you are now quite sick of hearing me sing... but... just in case you can take one more song...

"Over Now" is another one that I wrote a month or two ago that doesn't really take any explanation. Here are the lyrics:

My white flag is raised

All my shots have been shot

I’ve even tried to run away

The battle’s been faught

The war has been won

Every once of me overrun

Nothing more left to do

Then lift my hands up and admit that it’s over

It’s over – it’s over now – yeaaaah

I give up – I confess

That I’ve lost this war that’s been raging

And all of my walls are knocked down and it’s over now

I knew I’d never win

That you remain undefeated

But I thought that I’d be different

Yet here I am crushed and broken

Why did I dare run away?

Defy the holy?

Cause I melt like putty in your hands

Those hands that made me

SUMMER!!

2010-06-03T21:08:00.000-05:00

It's official.... it's SUMMER!!! Oh, I can't tell you how excited I am about the fact that it's FINALLY here! The only thing that keeps me sane during Minnesotan winters is the wondrous hope of summer. The hope that eventually the snow will melt, school shall end, camp shall come, and I get to witness Northern MN during the most beauteous time of the year!

See what I mean??! (Photo credit goes to my dad)

So what are my summer plans? Well there are sure a lot of them so I'll go in chronological order.
June - this next week is our orchestra day string camp. The next 2 weeks I'll be at Camp Sa-Kee-Sa both for their Teen Serve week and Jr. Counseling the second week. Then it's on to Deeper Life Bible Camp where my dad will be speaking and I'll be attending. (And add onto everything play practice...)
July - I have plans to do ministry with Youth For Christ during the first part of July, working under the girl's ministry director who is also part of our church plant. Also play practice, play practice, and play performance! That'll basically be my July. (As well as my brothers getting adopted!)
August - Some rest, some working with YFC, church launch prep, having my girl cousins come and stay while the guys go camping, and Sam back off to school.
Also, hopefully add a move somewhere in there.

And then summer is over. :( I know it's going to fly by crazy fast, but I'll enjoy it while I can. I already am enjoying it! The wonderful weather, wonderful friends, and wonderful God is going to make this summer... well... wonderful!

Kicking off the summer with a Bible Study hangout involving Frisbees, s'mores, and chickens. I'm looking forward to spending much of my summer with these friends. :)

Even When...

2010-06-01T17:05:00.000-05:00

God calls me to be content ALWAYS. Not just most of the time, not just when I feel like it, not just when it's convenient. Always.

Even when... this horrible sign continues to sit in front of my house day after day, week after week, and now we're approaching month after month.

Even when I'm "forever" away from these amazing people.

Even when I don't get to do "Father Abraham" in front of 70 people.

Even when between everyone in my family, rarely a day goes by that we don't have to drive into Virginia for something (church stuff, play practice, Bible study and friend stuff and the list goes on).

Even when tomorrow looks uncertain and we don't know what the final outcome shall be of our adventure in church planting or who shall be a part of our adventure.

Yet despite all that, God is still faithful. He's still sovereign. He's still weaving together our lives to make a beautiful master piece. He has a purpose for everything. He has a purpose for our house not selling. And it's not a cruel or heartless purpose, it's good. And what He tells us to do is be patient. Serve Him, love Him, do what He has called us to do, and He shall move in His perfect timing.

So now, we wait and find our contentment, our joy and our peace in Him alone. For Jesus + anything = idolatry. Jesus alone is what we need for contentment.

"I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:11b-13

(But also, please pray that God would sell our house soon. We found a house that we feel would perfectly meet our needs both as a family and as a church plant but we need to figure out a few things. So keep us in your prayers!)

All About the Sibs - DeCecco, Camera, and Adoption Dates

2010-05-28T00:31:00.001-05:00

I've said this many a time before, but in case you didn't know, my older brother Sam is an amazing songwriter! Want to see how awesome he is after all my ranting and raving? Well now you can! Under his stage name DeCecco (said dee-cay-co) he has just released his first self produced album, "The Last of the 00s!". It's amazing what you can do with garage band and a creative mind. If you like anywhere from techno to folk, there will be something for you. Some of his stuff is more experimental, but it's all pretty good. As is the album cover. :D So go here and download it for FREE and be sure to give Sam your feedback and share this with your friends, enemies, family members, teachers, robots, and dogs.

On other news... my sister Corina has got a camera and I'm featuring her over at my photography blog so go over to LIV Photography and check out the first little bits of her work!

And last but certainly not least... we have our adoption court date!!!! I am SOOOOOOO excited that my two little brothers will be officially ours in late July! After that, expect to see lots of pictures of the adorableness of my little munchkins. :)

Also, we had our first Community Gathering this last Sunday and it went really well. Thank you for praying and please continue to do so, especially for our house to sell and for us to get moved over. Lately it's been daily and sometimes even more then once a day 20 mile trips which isn't too bad, but we are anxious to be living in the community and establishing ourselves there.

LIV Photography and Convents

2010-05-17T09:56:00.002-05:00

First order of business: I have a photography blog!! :)

I'm super excited for the photography blog for many reasons, one of the main one is that I love sharing my work, but I don't always want to make an entire post that's about just the photos. This gives me a way to just post the pictures and not have to give too much explanation. As well as not let my entire personal blog consumed with posting pictures and a place to post my freelance work. So go over to LIV Photography, follow me, and enjoy!

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Second order of business is that I had tryouts for The Sound of Music last week for our community theater and... *builds up the suspense*... I'm a nun!!

Yes... after a year of studying the Reformation for history, I've become a nun. As I reassured the pastor at I church I go to youth group at, I'll just be a protestant nun. :) At first I was a little dissapointed to get a nonspeaking role, but then I took a look at who else is going to be nuns and got super excited! I have a bunch of friends and people I know that are nuns and it'll be really fun. My mom also is a nun and she got one of the solos. It's our first play we've been in together since I was six so we're excited.

Also, it's a small enough part that it wont totally consume my entire summer. I'm going to camp for a total of 3 weeks (Lord willing) and two of those weeks I'm coming into town for practices since it's nearby. But the best part of it will be of course our costumes!! Haha. :D

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Also, I just ask for your prayers for the church plant. We have a crazy week ahead with our first community gathering/preview service and SO much to do! We're excited to have Sam back for the summer though and able to help with leading worship. So please continue to pray for us!

Channyn Shoot

2010-05-15T23:04:00.001-05:00

I blogged a few weeks ago about God's faithfulness in providing me friends and today I want to introduce one of those friends to you all. My beautiful friend Channyn is one that I've made through the Bible study I've been involved in and she also goes to our sister E Free church. As I've got to know her over the last few months, I've definitely found a good friend in this zanny, short, artistic girl.

What first made me go up and introduce myself to Channyn was her personal story. She has gone through different struggles through her life, but in the midst of it, it's so cool to see God's faithfulness to her through it all and how her past has made her stronger. She has such a heart for God and for people and it inspires me. Last summer she went to Germany for a class trip and saw a homeless woman there and since then she's felt a burden on her heart for the homeless of Germany. Her dream is to go and be homeless in Germany, ministering to the people by being God's love to them.

So partly because of all this, I suggested we do a little photo shoot. Some of these may be used for her senior pictures next year, but the purpose was mostly artistic. I wanted to find someone I could use as a model for some concepts I had in mind and knowing Channyn's story, she worked perfectly. Also, it was interesting from a photographer's perspective working with someone who was so incredibly short! Channyn is 4'9" so it made it really interesting and truthfully really fun.

So without further ado.... here are a few of the pictures!

We were so excited to find a "Channyn size" door in the downtown area!

Channyn just went and grabbed a dandelion to hold and it was absolutely perfect! She's definitely a natural.

See? Doesn't it just fit?

We found this red shed and it just screamed country rustic, but it was in an alley in downtown.

Now we get into our more artistic, deeper meaning ones. If you can't read the notecard it says, "I AM" and the rest of the pictures are the completion to that sentence.

Forgiven

Redeemed

FREE!

Loved <3

So this isn't the usual spelling of the word "Hosanna" but I do believe it is a legit alternative spelling. But misspellings are just what happen when you put 2 poets that can't spell together!

I'm pretty sure we DID spell this one right. ;)

After the weight of those intense, serious pictures we just had to go and lighten the mood a bit.

And that wraps up the highlights of the shoot! Also, I just want to ask you all to pray for Channyn right now. She's dealing with some serious medical issues and the doctors are in the process about finding out what's wrong and how to treat it. We're all hoping it's nothing that the doctors can't fix easily, but please pray for healing for her!

Backyard Monster

2010-05-12T11:31:00.001-05:00

Here's another of my originals for you all! I wrote it about a month ago and it definitely is one of my favorites so far. I really like the imagery and had fun experimenting with metaphors and illustration. Still working on some kinks in the melody but hopefully someday soon I'll get a video of it up. Hope you enjoy!

Many have spoken about the elephant in the room

But I would take that any day over the current threat that looms

The more it’s ignored the bigger it grows

Feeding on the blood of the once aglow

Their screams pierce the midnight air

But we simply plug our sleeping ears

There’s a monster in my backyard

It sits right outside my door

But I’ve sound proofed my walls

So I hear the victims no more

There’s a giant running through my town

And it’s burning everything in sight

But as for now I am safe

So I won’t venture outside

The lucky ones that have escaped

Try to show us their pain

And we pretend to listen

Then we send them right back to where they were before

As long as they are outside

And we turn the music louder

We can stay inside our pretty houses

And not be touched by the horror

The monster keeps on growing

We do nothing to keep him from his prey

Just wait and someday all too soon

He will be kicking down the doors

And we will be safe no more

My Lovely Mother

2010-05-07T22:44:00.001-05:00

I vividly remember one day in my mind shortly before I turned seven. The rest of that summer is much of a blur, but that one day stands out to me in a heartbreaking way. My mom had gotten sick with a horrible infection that summer after a relatively minor surgery and being an almost seven-year-old girl; I was oblivious to the seriousness of what was happening. All I knew was that mom was sick and I got to hang out at my friend’s houses and now I was going to spend some time with my grandma, something I was so excited about.

I remember standing at the hospital bed, excited and anxious for my grandpa to come and drive me half way to my North Dakota grandma’s house. All I could think of was seeing my grandma again and eating lots of candy (her nickname is “Candy Grandma” for a reason). Yet as we were getting ready to go, my mom said something to me that I’ll never forget. She explained the seriousness of her illness and said, “I could die.”

Those words in my little mind were always burned as in two seconds I realized that I could be losing one of the dearest and most important people in my life. The tears came and I didn’t want to go anymore to my grandma’s, I just wanted to be with my mom and make sure nothing bad happened to her. Throughout my time at my grandma’s, we prayed a ton that my mom would get better.

And she did. After a second surgery, the infection was removed and she slowly got better. I can still remember my birthday that year though, eight years later. My grandma made chocolate chip muffins that morning and we then hopped into the car for the four-hour car ride back home. We stopped at the hospital and saw my mom, who was then post surgery and recovering.

I only got to see her for five minute on my birthday and then we had to head home where my dad, brother, and some other family were waiting to celebrate my birthday. My mom was with us via telephone, but it wasn’t the same and I’ll always remember that birthday.

As mother’s day is coming up, I can’t imagine life without my mom. I can’t picture what life would be like right now if she would have died eight years ago. She is my best friend, confidante, counselor, shopping partner, partner in blondeness at times (when we are together, it’s horrible), and the person that makes me laugh all the time.

So here’s to my mom! Is she perfect? No. Do we always get along perfectly? No. But do I love her more then peanut butter toast? Oh yeah! Happy Mothers day Mom, I love you tons and tons!

Four Random Facts

2010-05-05T12:54:00.000-05:00

I wonder when the first time I was asked so say a few random things about myself was... and I wonder how easy it was as well. Of course there is difficulty in thinking of something, but when no one has heard the random things before you can say almost anything and it could be random. But eventually you have to start repeating yourself when it comes to random things. Yet I sit here tonight attempting to not do exactly that. Behold, here are four random things about me... and hopefully they are original.

My athletic skillz are seriously lacking. See that blurred image trying to catch a Frisbee and the girl swinging at the invisible ball? Yeah, that's me. I've tried the whole sports thing, I was in soccer for awhile in elementary school and tried volleyball in 6th grade. Let's just say I'll stick to being an artist.
I have an accent and it's getting stronger all the time. Most of you don't know what a Northern Minnesotan accent is so let me explain... no... you have to hear it to understand. If you want to hear it just watch the movie New In Town for a over-exaggerated (but sometimes freakishly accurate) Minnesotan accent. Mine is typically pretty subtle but man, I can do a mean strong one when I feel like it yeah sure ya betcha!
My favorite TV show is Arthur. I seriously LOVE that show even when my siblings aren't watching it! Before Sam went off to school last fall, we sat down and watched the episode that the Backstreet Boys were in and we were reminded that it's the best show ever. In general I'm a PBS girl... I love Cyber Chase, The Electric Company, Master Piece Theater (am I sounding a bit more grown up now?), and the majority of the shows on there. I love having little kids around so I have a good excuse to watch them.
I'm working on a special photography project this summer... but *whispers* it's a secret for now. It's really a set of photos that I'm working on taking and putting together, but I'm super excited to start some hardcore work on it. You all will definitely get to check it out when it's done though!

God in the Bad Days

2010-05-04T22:00:00.002-05:00

Today was a horrible day for me. Sometimes you just have those days where it feels like everything that could go wrong did go wrong and it takes two hands to count how many emotional breakdowns you’ve had. I couldn’t even bake brownies right today (which are usually my specialty). So as I finish up the day I am feeling worn out, tired, exhausted, and like a complete and utter failure.

As I had tried to write a post about something totally different and I just got frustrated with even that, I took a look at a bunch of Leslie Ludy quotes that I had typed out in a document and one of them particularly struck me.

“While American Christians are preoccupied with healing their own inner wounds, being set free to be their true selves, and fighting to be noticed and appreciated for their own unique qualities; staggering numbers of people around the world are living in such misery, squalor, and pain that we cannot even imagine.”

Now doesn't that put everything into perspective? Also another thing she said just totally hit me hard.

“Our hearts are not the most important things in the world. The Down syndrome boy in Mexico City who sleeps on the streets and begs for food is the most important thing in the world. The nine-year-old girl whose virginity is auctioned off to a room of despicable perverts is the most important thing in the world. The impoverished prostitute who lives in the gutter and sells her body for a few coins a day is the most important thing in the world. The African boy-solider who is forced to become a killing machine at the age of ten is the most important thing in the world.”

It always seems that when I am feeling the most down, the most caught up in self-pity, the most preoccupied with self, God just totally convicts me using powerful means. Here I am, having emotional breakdowns about a bad day when 2 million children can’t sleep tonight because they are being forced to sell their bodies for sex. I am whining and fussing while 146 million kids are orphans and millions of people are going to be hungry. Is that sick and twisted or what?

We live in a world where we are encouraged to be consumed with ourselves. From billboards that advertise, “Get what you deserve” (just a side note: why in the world would I want to get hell? Because that is the only thing that I deserve.) To consumer driven churches, it’s everywhere. And it’s considered normal and that’s wrong.

Our entire country is filled with the consumer mindset that says it’s all about us. We want things to go our way in our timing and no one better mess with that happening. That, my friends, is sinful. Because it’s not about us… nothing in life is about us.

The very purpose man was made was to glorify GOD. We were meant to make God look good and enjoy doing that! Yet instead of spending our time, energy, and money pouring ourselves into making God look good and serving Him and others, we pour our lives into ourselves. It’s an atrocity that everything seems to be made to be about ourselves in a world that doesn’t need people consumed with self, but consumed with God and the needs of others.

Today, instead of pouring myself totally into my younger siblings who I was babysitting, I worried about me, my stress level, my feelings, my frustration, and today ended up horrible. Today, instead of making my focus the Cross and Christ, I made my focus myself, my burdens and responsibilities, my worries, and my situations. Instead of starting my day off in communion and fellowship with God, I woke up rushed, having slept past my alarm, and my first thoughts were all that I needed to get done.

Yet through my failures and fallings, God still is with me. He promises that His grace is new every morning or as Miss Stacy would say “tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it… yet.” He remains faithful and promises that if I simply ask Him, He will give me everything I need. Because it’s not about me, it’s only about Him.

Pablo the Prime Mexican Man

2010-04-30T11:04:00.002-05:00

My mom and I were talking a few weeks ago about the importance of stories. I was talking about my great, great, great (or something like that) grandpa and grandma who seemed like they could have had an absolutely timeless love story (he being a guy who walked over 100 miles to mark trees that were ready for harvest each year and she being a British school teacher). We don't know any details about them though because through the generations, their stories have been lost. We have no clue how exactly they met, what their courtship looked like, or how everything took place.

In the last year my grandma on my mom's side, her health has been fading so whenever we go over to North Dakota, I have started to ask her more questions about different things. It's been wonderful learning more about my grandpa who died before I was born and their love story as well as some other family history.

See, if we don't pass down our little stories, don't write them down or tell them by mouth, eventually everything will be forgotten. So I decided to start writing down some of my own stories, just little memories and special things from my short life. Here is the first of them and I hope you enjoy!

Pablo the Prime Mexican Man

I could not tell you the first time I saw his face come across the television or the first time I heard that name – but somewhere in my preschool days I first watched a TV show that would change my life forever and make me infamous with my extended family. Those of you hard-core PBS lovers may remember the show Zoom.

Oh Zoom… you half an hour of entertaining education! I miss you terribly. You were the one that first introduced me to Pablo… Pablo – you had me at Ubby Dubby. What’s so important and life changing about Pablo you ask? Well it’s truly very simple. In my three or four year old mind, a husband was created.

Some children have pretend friends. I had a pretend husband.

Oh and not just a pretend husband, I also had about one hundred pretend children (some also named after Zoom characters like “Zoë”) and don’t forget that I was the queen of Ea Land. Ea Land was the world that my brother and I created based off of my nickname Ea (said “ee-ah”). And what a beauteous world it was! I was the amazing ruler with Pablo by my side and it was a wonderful several years that I spent in marital bliss.

Now when I would go to visit my grandma and my cousins, word leaked about Pablo and my undying love towards him. It became common to be asked, “where’s Pablo?” and I remember one time vividly explaining that he went to get gas. My aunt’s brother in law Scott was particularly fond of Pablo and up until I was about ten, he asked whenever he saw me about him. It has forever formed a special bond between us.

Then, time went on and I realized that most six-year-olds didn’t have pretend husbands, a fact that saddened me. Eventually, I became embarrassed by my handsome Mexican man, which today I am embarrassed about. So in my mind, I made Pablo die because of course a divorce was out of the question. I never really mourned for him or put on a funeral, but slowly as that vivid imagination of a little child diminished inside of me, Pablo did as well.

As it goes with many things, when you step away from them long enough you are able to love them again. And so, today Pablo holds a very dear and special place in my heart as my first love. Someday, Lord willing, my true and not-so-pretend Pablo will come along and sweep me off my feet. Whether he is black or blond with blue eyes, he will be my Pablo and my family will never let me forget it.

Faithfulness in Friends

2010-04-28T11:47:00.000-05:00

"Starting over again."

That was how I was feeling less then six months ago as I looked forward to our move to Virginia MN. I was excited that we were embarking on the great adventure of church planting and was excited to see what God had in store, but the thought of once again having to make friends all over was a daunting one. Sure I knew a few people over in that area, but no one that I was close to at all or that I ever saw myself hanging out with. So me and my mom started praying for God to provide me with friends.

And He has! Oh my goodness, God has just been so good and His faithfulness is just so evident that I am left in amazement and awe. It all started back in late December when a guy I know started a student led Bible study with a few friends over in Virginia. I decided that I might as well go since I know what it's like to start up a Bible study and have a small turnout and it couldn't hurt to start meeting some other teens in the area.

The Bible study started out small and for awhile, truthfully I was mostly just going to support my friend James. Then God started really working. The numbers for our Bible study grew, but that was only part of it. I watched as the conversations got deep and personal, the fellowship and depth to our relationships grew, and the Spirit of God was evident and working in our little group. At the same time I started visiting two of the youth groups in the area, one a sister church to our former church (one that I have a bunch of friends at) and the other that is a sister church to the church plant.

Over the last few months the friendships have grown as I've witnessed God bring a bunch of crazy teenagers from different backgrounds, schools, towns, and churches together in a strange but awesome way. I absolutely love my little Bible study, I love my friends, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I belong. That has to be one of the best feelings ever.

The best thing about the friendships that I am currently making is the foundation they have: a love for Jesus. It's been so spectacular to join together in prayer, worship, and Bible study with others every single week. This weekend I was at a youth conference and as me and some friends met to discuss plans for an upcoming event, we prayed together multiple times. And in general we just have come together to pray and I've never really experienced that. Sure, the goofing around and randomness and laughter has added to the friendships, but not nearly as much as the prayer.

I could easily ramble on for a long time... sharing how excited/anxious I am to be closer to everyone and all that good stuff, but basically I'll leave you with this: God is awesome and so are the friends He's given me. :D

Cousins + ND + Newish Camera = Awesome Shoot

2010-04-26T23:50:00.002-05:00

Over the years, friends come and go and for me, as I approach my eighth move of my life, that's especially true. I am a person a that makes friends easily, but over the years I haven't had too many that have been in the "best friend" category for very long. One of the exceptions to this is my amazing and awesome cousin Elyssa (or Sissy as we affectionately call her).

Being cousins and her being four years older, our memories go back to the very beginning. Playing store in my grandma's basement in North Dakota, pretending to be spies, more playing and pretending, watching Little Women around Christmas time curled up in our fuzzy PJs, late night giggling, walks around the tiny town my grandma lives in, getting candy and renting movies from the old grocery store, just being dorks... Elyssa and I have so many great memories.

Even though we are older and don't see each other as often as we like, when we are together it's truly like no time has gone by. We talk late into the night about the issues we are facing and what's been on our mind lately. We take goofy pictures and laugh and just hang out like we do it every day. This Easter her and her family were in ND and we had a ton of fun... and an awesome photoshoot!

(I would be putting these in a better order... but blogger is being a bit glitchy and I don't want to be here all day, so I'll just explain the photos as we go.)

Some fun "model like" shots. :)

I took a photo shoot with Sam too over the weekend. The vast open fields were just so picture perfect!

My mom took this shot of Nina... she's SO beautiful!

My amazing grandma and Corina... they both love pink, dolls, and Winnie the Pooh

Elyssa, her sister Anna (my birthday buddy!), and Corina... I love these girls!

This shed provided us with such a nice backdrop!

I think the wind added to the effect.

Sisterly love!

"Look! No legs!"

Salt and Pepper as they have always been known as. :)

This is one of my favorites... I think they all turned out very well.

More pictures to come eventually! I actually have a ~~hundred~~ few more to go through and process still. I've been using Aperture on my dad's computer and while it's not as powerful as Photoshop or such, it's great for quick fixes. So stay tuned for more pictures and an update.

Prostitution, Human Trafficking, Me, and Minnesota

2010-04-13T23:20:00.000-05:00

When a person thinks of modern slavery or human trafficking, the most typical thing to envision is girls in Cambodia being sold for sex, child soldiers in the Sudan, or slave workers harvesting coffee in Brazil. It's a horrifying thing when looking out into the world and seeing this cruilty and atrocity but far too often our involvement stops there, with the big obvious forms of human trafficking. We let it touch our hearts and even our pocket books and even at times, our prayer, yet we think it's something that's "out there" like lack of clean water in Africa.

But it's not. This is something I have come to realize more clearly over the last year and particularly the last few months. Over Christmas break I was talking to several friends of mine and the subject of human trafficking came up. One of them who currently attends school in Duluth, only 90 minutes away, mentioned the fact that it was something Duluth was having issues with because of their huge shipping industry. Though I had never thought of it before, it made perfect sense. A combination of huge ships, no way to monitor them without spending a fortune, and an easy way to bring foreign women in and pretty Scandinavian girls out and it sounds like a traffickers dream.

After hearing about that, I went on a search to find out more about trafficking in my area and the results were not satisfying. Information was hard to come by and not very specific at all. I could find no organization or ministry or task force working to stop this or even information about exactly what is happening. What I did get was the assertion that it is in Duluth. And the reservations.

I live in an area with a large amount of Native Americans and reservations and again, it made sense that prostitution and sex slavery would be among them. Most people in reservations are below the poverty line and come from broken families filled with drug and alcohol addictions and general darkness that includes things like sexual abuse. But here again, information on the connection to prostitution and human trafficking was scarce.

This furthermore brought me to study Minneapolis and as I did God pressed this burden onto my heart for the city. Here I was able to find news articles and task forces and information about the prostitution and human trafficking that goes on and I have been left broken hearted. There is such need a short four hour drive from my house and it's in a highly concentrated area that there are a few ministries and organizations reaching out to the prostitutes. At the same time, not enough is being done.

The issue of prostitution and human trafficking is such a messy, all encompassing, tricky thing to fight and sometimes it seems like "enough" will never be done. More and more, it's becoming evident that it needs to be something that the federal, state, and local governments as well as the police department, schools, churches, rescue and homeless shelters, and general public need to all work together to help stop or at very least minimize. It can look so huge and scary from this perspective, but if everyone worked together, some real change could come.

And change has come. My mom remembers in the 80s being able to walk down Lake Street in Minneapolis and it was everywhere. Has it gone away? No. But it has become less public and almost harder to stop. Sadly, change is a slow thing most of the time and it simply takes time. And in that time women with be murdered by their pimps, fourteen year old girls will get addicted to drugs and develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, eighteen year old olds will be faced with beatings and unplanned pregnancies, and more women will be destroyed by this raging monster.

It breaks my heart and very soul and it sets it on fire to let my meager life be used as a vessel of the gospel. Of the good news to those who are broken, destroyed, lonely, hurting, and dirty. Jesus came for the sick, for the prostitutes and sinners, and it's up to us to make sure that they know that. I look forward with great excitement for the hope of how Christ can use me to reach the prostitutes of Minneapolis both someday through physical and active work, but also currently through prayer.

It's hard for me because I want to do something hands on and relational, but it's a matter of time. I'm still very young and still live four hours away. But I have no doubt that in time God will show me what He wants me to do and that He will guide and bless my desire to work with prostitutes.

March Recap

2010-04-11T12:47:00.002-05:00

When I told you all I would try to get a March recap post up soon after we got back from spending Easter with family in North Dakota, I had no clue what a crazy week was in store! The stomach flu, house showing, my bro's 2nd birthday, a wedding, more sickness... add onto that we spent three days driving 4+ hours with little kids and needless to say, blogging has not been my top priority. Thankfully now after getting back late from the cities last night, I'm sitting at my breakfast bar downing the second cup of coffee (yay!) and wearing my awesome Crown College sweatshirt and feeling ready to write a post.

March was a pretty busy month, but a fun one as well. Starting with church planting news... we have our first Cross Hill Community Church Bible study currently going on Biblical Peacemaking. We are meeting Sunday evenings at a church in Virginia and having a potluck every week after Bible study. God is really doing some great things and it's so exciting to see Him work. Lord willing, we will be holding public services starting this fall. Please continue to pray for us!

Now, can you guess what THESE pictures mean?!?!?!

That's right!!! I got a beautiful new Nikon D5000 which is absolutely awesome and I absolutely love! His name is Clarence and the story of how I got him is a little long for this post, but we'll just say it was a mixture of saving and planning and a last minute decision. I'm very happy with my choice and I love having a DSLR.

On March 19th I had to deal with the crazy feelings of having my ity bity sister Corina (Nina) become a *gulp* teenager! It's so weird to think that May marks 9 years with this precious girl as my beautiful sister. I love her SO much and despite the struggles of having a sister that is mildly mentally handicapped, I wouldn't trade it for the world. (We went to Duluth and spent the day painting pottery at this awesome place called the Pottery Burn with some long time friends then mom, Nina and I went shopping.)

Then my brother, one of his best friends, and I embarked upon a wonderful journey to CHICAGO! Yes it was a lovely time visiting a friend that goes to Wheaton college and seeing the city. We listened to Frank Sinatra, ate deep dish pizza, saw the Lincoln Park Zoo, rode public transportation, saw a snow covered bean, played lots of games, saw the writing desks of C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien and the wardrobe that inspired The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, had good chats, and went to a fantastic improve show put on by some Wheaton students. The only problem is that it was only one weekend.

Also, on top of normal craziness... I was in a play at the Mesabi Community and Technical College for which we did 10 (yes, TEN!) performances of our play The Mysterious Case of the Missing Ring the last weekend/week of March. It was a children's play so we did tons of school performances including 3 travelling shows. It made life pretty crazy driving twenty miles to thrice a week play practices and ten performances, but I was able to build some great relationships in the Virginia area and had a good time. I was an old Chinese woman who quotes random proverbs and man, that was such a hard accent!! But it was a growing experience and that was good for me.

We also got the last of our adoption paperwork filed! For those of you who don't know, we are in process of adopting two beautiful boys (2 as of Thursday and 3 1/2) domestically through foster care. Since they are still foster care children technically, I can't post pictures yet but just wait. These are the two most adorable boys ever (of course I'm not biased at all). They have been "ours" in spirit for a long time now but soon they will be ours legally and that's so exciting! March also marks 1 year of having them in our home. :)

I also finished the 40 Days of Water with Blood:Water Mission and it was absolutely fantastic time and I have come away with a brand new appreciation of beverages that I before took for granted like milk and coffee. God has blessed me so much and it was a great experience giving up one of the blessings for a chance to bless others.

That is all at this time and I hope you feel a little better knowing that I have a good reason for not keeping you updated. I have some post ideas brewing currently in my mind and I hope that I'll be posting more in the next month. I can't make any promises though. Every single weekend this month I have stuff going on and I have tons of school to catch up on, but I am still so thankful for my amazing readers! God bless you all.

Pile of Coals

2010-04-01T23:59:00.005-05:00

No, I did not disappear from the world, though I did disappear from the blogosphere for the last several weeks. I have not been idle though, oh my goodness I have been busy! I'll give you all a March recap after I get back from spending Easter in ND with the fam, but since my poor blog has been neglected, I felt that I should post a song that I wrote several weeks ago.

This song is basically my winter and what God has taught me during the last several months. It's a very personal one and I decided to post it after reading my friend Abigail's blog post where she echoes much of the same stuff that I've been going through. I hope you enjoy!

(V1)

Slowly it settled in

Like a fog over my heart

Carefully it seeped into my life unaware

I didn’t know – I didn’t expect

Yet here I am

(Pre Chorus)

I didn’t know I

Could feel this cold

The fire inside of me has grown old

Now what’s left is simply a pile of coals

(Chorus)

Passion – once upon a time

Had overtaken me

Now I’m left miles from where I want to be

Lord speak into my life

And revive this pile of coals

(V2)

Lord I need the passion

Infused into my veins

Complacency – has overtaken me

Save me from my apathy

(Bridge like thing)

Now I’m right back to the beginning

Under the shadow of Your cross

Only here will I feel that fire

Only here can I be revived

This small pile of coals
(Copyright 2010)

Bird in a Cage - Original Song (With Video!)

2010-03-08T14:42:00.000-06:00

Well on Saturday I got a video recorded on one of my original songs "Bird in a Cage" and wanted to share it with you all. I wrote this one back in November and I really like the basic bones of the song, it just still needs some tweaking and embellishment particularly in the guitar area. It's a big leap for me to be sharing a song for two reasons.

One: My songs are a part of me and when sharing them, especially for critique, it's like putting a bit of my soul on display. With encouragement from my brother, I'm working on getting past that and whether I do well or totally suck, growing from my experiences and developing as a singer songwriter. So putting a video of my singing on youtube, I see as an accomplishment in a strange way.

Two: I am my BIGGEST critic. In general I'm a huge music critic and I hold a high standard of what I call "good music". I can't always measure up to my own standards and it's hard to admit that. But I am doing my best to grow and to become better, even if I never become as good of a singer/guitar player/songwriter as I would like.

So without further ado....
www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAWpy-raZeA

[Verse 1]
I'm a bird in a cage
Come take me away
So I can sing
La la...

I'm a prisoner within
Remove my chains
So I can dance
La la...

[Chorus]
I put myself in that cage
Now I cant seem to get away
Will you come and rescue me?
Wash my mistakes all clean?
Cause Im my own enemy
I blind my own eyes so I cant see
Can You come and do something with whats left of me?
I want to be free.

[Verse 2]
Get me out of this cage
I just want to run away
To you, to you - La, la, la

[Bridge]
Freedom is what I was looking for
Freedom is looming before me like an open door
So I'll jump into the unknown

Goodbye Lullaby (Original Song)

2010-03-06T18:31:00.000-06:00

I said awhile back that I would post a few of my songs and that's precisely what I am doing right now. The first song I'll share is "Goodbye Lullaby", a song I wrote for World Aids day back in December. It's my brother Sam's favorite of my songs as well as one that we co-wrote the melody for when he was home on winter break about a week ago.
Hopefully we'll get a video or good recording of it to share when he comes home for spring break in about a week, but for now, here are the lyrics and I hope you enjoy!

[Verse 1]
As the sky fades to black // Life will never be the same // As she says goodbye to the child in her arms // She knows that she’s the reason / her baby has to die // The disease that holds her body / makes her infant son cry// Yet she sings…

[Chorus]
Hush little darling
Can’t you see it’s time for sleep
Hush, little darling
You’re safe with me
So close your eyes
Mama will sing you a lullaby

[Verse 2]
All that night she held him // Soothed him when he cried // Until the sun arose / and she was glad there was no more night // She looked down at her baby / chest rising no more // Through her tears she sings…

[Bridge]
Some night when she is lonely
She still sings her lullaby
And when does, tears are never far behind

(Copy-write Olivia Erickson, 2009)

Abigail's Blog Parade

2010-03-02T12:00:00.002-06:00

My dear friend Abigail Kraft is having a lovely blog party so head over and check it out!

What's your favorite time of the day, and why?
I am a total Night Owl! Oh my, I have so much energy between 10pm and 2am it's almost crazy. That's when I do my best writing, poetry, songwriting, crafting, thinking, and organizing done at.

I also love the time between 6:30am and 10am or anytime when things are still in the house. I haven't gotten up early lately because of the MN winter... but in the summer, spring, and fall I like to get up and have my quiet time before the house starts to stir.

If health wasn't an issue, what food could you live off of?
Chocolate... lots and lots of chocolate....

If you could have one wish granted (besides wishing for more wishes), what would it be?
Oooo... this is a toughy. Currently I wish for an ity bity black baby sister. I know, our adoption of our two adorable little boys is not yet complete, but a girl can dream, right?

What's one thing that you get teased about a lot?
Oh man... I get teased so often about so many things... but the most would probably be how much I talk.

If you could choose one movie, book, or TV show to spend your life in, which would you pick? What type of character would you be?
After thinking it over a bit... Anne of Green Gables would be perfect.

Living in Nova Scotia on Prince Edward Island would be so amazing!! I've always had a kindred spiritness with Anne as well. We both talk too much, have big imaginations, have a bad temper, and love "The Lady of Shallot" (by Lord Alfred Tennyson). Also, I've had a crush on Glibert since I was five...

If you could have one talent that you don't already have, what would it be?

Hmmm... I think to be able to ski like Lindsey Vonn. I love skiing and was even thinking of joining the ski team last year, but it's a really spendy sport. I've always gone skiing with people who have skied since they could walk, so I've always been the worst in my group and it would be awesome to REALLY be able to ski.

If money were no object, where would you go on vacation?
A leisurely tour of the UK. I couldn't decide between England and Ireland... so I would go to both! And go visiting castles in Scotland and goind to Iceland and maybe even Wales... yes... that would be positively DIVINE!!

If you were an awesome singer, which genre would you sing?
Well I am a singer... not awesome at all... but a singer non the less and I think I would stick with my current genre of acoustic coffee shop feeling music with a bit of a jazz and folk twist. Just think of Sara Bareillles, Regina Spector, Sara Groves, and JJ Heller with maybe a twist of Nora Jones.

If you could have a $10,000 shopping spree to one store, what would it be?
I want to say the largest thrift store in the world... but that would be too much stuff. So I think Barnes and Nobel would be awesome. Or Target. Target would probably be the most realistic and I love Target. :D

If you could live in any point in time, when would it be?
Late 1700s - early 1800s... oh, in England. Yes, I may have been reading too many Jane Austen novels and British Litt this year, but I truly love it! Oh, to wear cap sleeved empire waist dresses every day and go to town balls. It would be epic!

If every outfit in your wardrobe had to be one color, what would it be?
Yellow. :D

If you were one of the seven dwarves, which one would you be? (Doc, Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Bashful, Happy, or Dopey)
Well today I am literally Sneezy, but if I could chose, I would definitely be Happy.

What's the last album you listened to?
Phantom of the Opera soundtract - the version from the London stage.

What's something we'd be surprised to know about you?
It's my secret dream to join the circus.

Okay, not really.... truthfully... I'd say the fact that I want to work with prostitutes and sex slaves particularly in the counseling/rehabilitating process is usually a shocker to most people.

Gandhi, Taylor Swift, and Christians

2010-02-26T09:16:00.006-06:00

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ” – Gandhi

The last few days I’ve been chewing on this quite simple quote since I saw it tweeted by a band that I follow on Twitter. It has reminded me greatly about a conversation I had with my mom back in December about Gandhi. She was telling me that he at one point studied Christianity and found that it made sense but then he went to a church and he was treated poorly by the Christians there and rejected the gospel because of the Christians that he saw. *

Gandhi was a pretty awesome man and he did some amazing things for India. He led a peaceful revolution and was able to bring about change through nonviolent means, which is absolutely great, but the question arises of “what would he have been like as a Christian?” Now Jonathan Acuff had a blog post about how Christians often wish certain celebrities where Christians and seriously, Gandhi would have been the coolest Christian ever! Yet he was repulsed by the scent that Christians where giving off.

I can understand Gandhi on a personal level because I feel the exact same way about Taylor Swift. I’ll admit it, it’s time to confess this; I like Taylor Swift (this feels so good to get off my chest!). Despite the fact that her songs are mostly just corny love songs, she is still a talented singer/songwriter and she seems very professional in her work. She worked her way gradually to her musical success and she takes responsibility for her own career. She has her say in everything from the guitar solos to how the stage is set up for the tour and I really appreciate that.

Her fans on the other hand… well, let’s just say that I have a natural skepticism about anyone that has millions of screaming teenage girls adoring them. I mean c’mon! Why do some people feel that they have to be defined by who they are a fan of on places like youtube and twitter? It just gets really, really annoying. Despite the fact I’m not a fan of her fans, I have chosen to put that behind me and just like Taylor’s music.

I dearly wish that Gandhi would have looked past us imperfect Christians and seen Christ, but more then that, I wish that Christians would live in a manner that would not bring shame to the very God that saved them! Could God have saved Gandhi and is God still Sovereign? Absolutely! But we also have our duty to be the light of Christ and to show His amazing beauty and love to the world. If all we are showing to the world is pride, judgmental attitudes, apathy, and legalism; we are bringing shame to the name of Christ.

My dad talks about how Christians will give off a scent and we can’t effect the perception of the scent, but we can control the scent. Some people will be repulsed if we give off the scent of Christ and some people will be drawn to the sweet scent of redemption. Some people will also be repulsed by us, but not because we smell of Christ, but because we smell of our flesh. Let’s pray that we stink of Christ, not of sin.

{*If any part of this story is not accurate, I apologize. I am just speaking from what I remember my mom telling me. }

One Week of Water

2010-02-24T21:11:00.000-06:00

It’s official; I’ve made it one whole week without coffee. I can’t even remember the last time I did that! (Though truthfully, it was probably only this summer.) I’m past the nasty caffeine headache and today especially I have had more energy then normal. Despite the fact that the below zero temps are making me crave some hot coffee or tea to warm me up; my blankets, sweatshirt, and slippers do the job just fine.

Of course I miss caffeine while doing algebra and I miss drinking tea while reading Emma, but through this “sacrifice” I’m learning something far more valuable. Firstly, it’s a reminder that I am blessed beyond imagination. I have access to water, which for too many other people is not the case. My water is also clean and I don’t have to worry that I could die from diseases in the water. Every time I’m tempted to pour some coffee or even grab a glass of milk, I am reminded that I am blessed. It’s also a reminder to pray for those that do not have what I do.

Second, I’m realizing how much I (aka, my parents) spend on drinks. I estimated about $23 saved just in one week. Of course I’ve been very busy this week and spent the weekend in Minneapolis, which adds more then normal expenses in the beverage department. By the end of the 40 days I will likely have saved almost $100, which is really crazy! It all goes to a great cause though and I am really excited to see it be used to provide wells for people in Africa. (Check out Blood: Water Mission)

Thirdly, it’s building both self-control and dependence on God. Saying “no” can be oh so good for a person when it comes to temptation. At the same time, it requires asking God for the strength to say no and relying on Him for what we desire. I’ve really felt dry and dull in my spiritual walk this winter, and already I feel the lethargy start to melt away. It’s not that giving something up makes you instantly closer with God, it simply shows your need for Him better and constantly reminds you of Him.

So those are my musings and observations on my first week of 40 days of water. Feel free to check out my page and if you feel God calling you to match/sponsor me, I would love that! Be sure to check out Blood: Water Mission as well and hear more about the great work they are doing.

Coffee and Strength

2010-02-21T21:39:00.003-06:00

"Coffee is a food group." - Olivia Erickson

I said those words about a year ago to a friend of mine at a youth conference as she snapped a picture of me drinking my yummy mocha frapachino after a night of sleeping on a nursery floor. For me, coffee as a food group is a very real concept. I have my daily two cups and sometimes another at night if we have decaf in the house. Every time we are in Virginia, my mom and I make a stop at Starbucks, even if it's just for a black coffee refill in our special Starbucks cups. And I absolutely love Caribou (the coffee chain, not the animal) and it's a favorite place to go to have a good chat with friends or study on a Monday night when there are Medium coffees for $1.

I do believe that I have proven to you, dear readers, that I love my coffee. I also love my tea or hot cocoa as it is usually my night time companion while I read or fiddle around on the computer. If I love coffee and tea so much, why would I ever want to give it up as I am now doing for the 40 days of water challenge from Blood Water Missions?

The answer is simple. Because I love it.

We've all heard the classic statement that too much of a good thing is a bad thing, and I believe that to be very true. Coffee has become more then something I just enjoy, but it's become something that I run to. When I am tired - I drink coffee for energy. When I feel dull or unfocused - I drink it for inspiration and focus. When I am cold - I drink it for warmth. When it is night time and I need something to calm me - I drink tea to relax. Are any of those things necessarily bad? No. But instead of always relying on a drink to sustain me, I should be relying on Christ.

In Christ we have an amazing strength that most times, we do not even try to tap into. How we attain this supernatural strength is through surrender and relying fully on the power that Christ has. We admit our own defeat and weakness, and we seek to be made strong through Jesus. The Bible is full of examples where people did amazing and unbelievable things, but it was never through their own power or sheer will, it was always through the surrender of their lives to a God that had a plan to display his glory in the weak and feeble.

"For who is God, but the LORD?
   And who is a rock, except our God?—
  the God who equipped me with strength
   and made my way blameless.
  He made my feet like the feet of a deer
   and set me secure on the heights.
   He trains my hands for war,
   so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
  You have given me the shield of your salvation,
   and your right hand supported me,
   and your gentleness made me great."
   Psalm 18:31-35

  Those verses have been on my heart lately and I am reminded that Christ needs to be my strength. Relying on anything else will only end with disappointment and defeat. Please pray for me as I do this challenge of my only beverage being water. I've already gotten past the caffeine headache and Sunday morning with no coffee. but there is still a long ways to go.

Life - And Snow

2010-02-17T19:05:00.004-06:00

Life.

It's a crazy thing really. Always changing, always moving, always keeping you on your toes... So many things come up that are unexpected. So many distractions and things that fight for your attention and admiration. So much to balance and maintain. So many good things, that may not be the right thing. So many different things going on.

At least that's how I feel my life is going right now. Balancing school, family, music, photography, friends, chores, the play I'm in, "church" related things, and my personal spiritual life is a definite challenge and something that I'm not doing the best at currently. On top of that, the winter that it still hanging menacingly over my head, telling me that summer shall never come.

Yes, I am aware that the snow makes for some beautiful pictures... but I'm ready for it to be over! I am ready for photo shoots that I don't have to be bundled for head to toe to do. I am ready for kayaking the beautiful lakes and maybe even being convinced to go fishing with my dad (I can't catch fish... they don't like me). I am ready for tubing and trips up to my grandpa's cabin. I am ready to grow a garden all in pots and have enough herbs and spices to last me through next winter. I am ready to spend leisurely days reading Jane Austen in the hammock and writing songs under the warm sun.

Life just seems better without snow.

Some of you may hate me for saying that, but I've been looking at snow everyday since November and it gets tiresome. Some may say that I am living in the wrong place, but truly, I love Minnesota... when it's not covered with snow. Snow destroyed my beautiful fall foliage as it violently froze the still green leaves right off the trees... seriously Mr. Snow... just go away.

Do I sometimes trust in sunshine and summer as my "functional Savior"? Sadly, yes. Is that wrong? Yes. Do I need to repent? Yes. Am I still sick of the snow? Yes.

Well there is nothing that I, a meager human, can do about it except wait. And be thankful that it's not April and there is still snow. I could go my entire life without another April snow storm of 24 inches and I am praying so hard that it does not happen this year. I suppose I'll just take hope in the fact that it wont last forever... and that at least I don't live in Narnia under the White Witch's reign.

"When February rolls around I'll roll my eyes

Turn a cold shoulder to these even colder skies

And by the fire my heart it heaves a sigh

For the green grass waiting on the other side"

- Relient K - In like a Lion (Always Winter)

$10 Prom - My Epic Dress

2010-02-02T10:37:00.001-06:00

At Chisholm Baptist, the church that my dad has been the associate pastor at for the last five years up until this January, every year they have a fun non romantic/couple formal. But there's a catch... you can't spend more then $10 on your outfit.

Of course this results is some absolutely outrageous outfits from Goodwill and old dress up boxes. Sometimes people step out of even those bounds and make their outfits... in the past there have been suits and dresses out of duct tape, carpet, newspaper, and my bro has made a suit out toilet paper last year (that didn't hold up so well...). Well I decided to follow in my big bro's footsteps and made my dress out of garbage bags.

It was actually pretty simple to do with a pair of scissors and some safety pins and that was really all I needed. It was also very, very fun to do! I tried a few different ideas, and this was the one that I finally went with. It held up pretty well and it was decently comfortable as well. All in all, I loved it and thought it was an epic success.

Bowling shoes just totally made the outfit complete

A Notebook of Songs

2010-01-24T23:46:00.005-06:00

{Written last night - excuse me - this morning.}

It’s 1:15am as I sit here, writing this on a fresh Word document, and I am filled with a sense of accomplishment. It’s official: my song notebook is full. Just writing those words brought a thrill to me as I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact. 75 standard notebook size pages of rough drafts of my songs. It’s humbling and amazing at the same time.

I vividly remember sitting in my bedroom in third grade and writing my first song and what an incredibly horrible song it was! It had an unoriginal melody and the words were as corny as corny could get. Yet my mom put it in our family Christmas letter that year and I was so incredibly proud of my work.

I already know that many of the songs in the notebook that I’ve used since last fall aren’t very good. In fact, a dozen come to mind and make me frustrated at the thought, but then I think of some of the growth and it excites me. It’s not that even my good songs right now are really that good, but it’s the idea that I’m growing and it’s going to get better the more I work at it. You never know, with persistence and dedication, maybe someday I’ll have one amazing song.

But more then amazing songs, songwriting is just a way for me to put a piece of my soul onto paper. Every song is a piece of me and it makes me scared to put it out for other people to critique because it’s like putting myself out there. My brother Sam, who is an amazing songwriter, reminded me this fall that it’s something that you “just have to get over” if you ever want to excel in the art. Songs aren’t meant to be kept to yourself, but they are meant to touch people in a special way.

All gifts are from God, including songs that fill our heads and come out our lips. I for one don’t want to be an ungrateful servant who does nothing with what God has given me. My brother would say that he doesn’t try to write “Christian” music but rather he writes “whatever songs God gives me”. And they don’t do anything sitting in a computer or notebook except help yourself.

So anyway, in honor of filling up a notebook and needing to buy a new one, I’ll share some of my songs on my blog. (EEEK! Did I seriously just say that???) Though the idea sort of freaks me out (okay, it really freaks me out), I’ll do it. Feel free to critique, but please… be kind!

The Battle of Modesty

2010-01-13T22:05:00.008-06:00

Ever since I can remember, my little sister has had a pretty decent amount of discretion about modesty for someone who is mildly mentally disabled. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “that’s not a-poa-pea-et” (appropriate) when she sees a woman scantily clad.

As a girl, when you are young, modesty sounds just as simple as that. Up until we reach that fateful day when we move into the junior’s department, our biggest choice we make about modesty is to choose a one piece or tankini over the bikini. Then, we reach adolescences and everything changes and we slowly begin to see that modesty of dress gets so incredibly complicated.

At first, all that’s dangled before us are tank tops and camisoles that are cut a little too low, and shorts that are a little too short. Then, slowly things begin to pile on. We start noticing women and teens that are oh so beautiful and what they’re wearing is oh so cute but covers less then desired. Our friends start to talk about cute undergarments and the clothes at every single clothing store get more immodest and more alluring.

Then, the older we get, the worse it gets as we are attacked with pushup bras, plunging necklines, miniskirts, short shorts, thongs, low rise skinny jeans that cut off the circulation in your legs, tight t-shirts, and bikinis that are the only swimsuits that are cute. In addition, we are faced with a world of men that drool when Victoria's Secret commercials come on the TV, that fall head over heals into lust with the hot girls with the great bods, and that make fun of us and are downright cruel if we have any value of modesty or purity.

We live in a world that tells us our value is in our sex appeal and without it we are worthless.

I don’t think guys realize the war that Christian girls face when it comes to modesty. Every time we go into a store, see a magazine, turn on the TV, we are told that we are stupid. Every time we see a cute shirt that would look amazing on our body but know it would lead other men astray, we are fighting a never-ending battle. Shopping can seem like torture as we tear through the racks of clothing to find something that we wont feel half naked wearing but will still be cute.
We as women want men to see us as desirable and beautiful and we want other women to desire to be us. Above all, we want to be loved. The desire that we have to be cherished, worthy of admiration, and loved runs deep within our veins. That’s why the romance genre of books and movies does so well. We want that. We want a guy to be so crazy about us that he can’t seem to get us out of his mind. We want a fairy tale with a man that will do anything for us.

Yet we live in a world that tells us the only way to turn a man’s head, let alone his heart, is to be sexy. I wonder how many thousands of girls and women have cried themselves to sleep because they bought the lie and eventually they found out that the men whose heads are turned by flirting and miniskirts will only use them for sex, then dump them without a care. How many other girls have cried them selves to sleep because of mean and derogatory words from men when they didn’t look like they stepped off the cover of a fashion magazine?

The Temptation to Give In

Sometimes it seems like a hopeless battle to even try to fight. With the lies constantly, from every angle, shouting at us relentlessly to give in, we are so often tempted to just buy the stupid shirt that might finally give us some attention from men. It seems like we are doing it all for nothing when we look around and we don’t see many guys that aren’t staring at the chest of a cleavage-baring woman.
We are told by the Christian world that modesty will pay off; that someday a man with cherish us for that modesty, but we take a look around our schools, our communities, even our churches, and we wonder where those guys are. I’ve been privileged to know guys that are like that, but so many other girls haven’t met a single man with the integrity to look away from the bra commercial as it blares across the TV screen. It doesn’t seem worth it.

Fighting Together for Holiness

   Men and women need to ultimately work together on the issues of modesty and lust. Guys have their responsibility to fight off their lustful passions and women have a responsibility not to stir up those passions. And if guys feel that women need to be modest, and at the same time oogle over the bodies of immodest women, we view the guys as complete hypocrites and feel utterly betrayed. The more that men work the fight off lust, the easier it is to be modest and the more that women are modest, the easier it for men to have pure thoughts.
     Instead of slamming each other for failing, we need to be helping one another in this battle of sexuality and purity that rages around us. We need to point out when we see someone else doing well and if they are of the opposite gender and it’s appropriate to do so, to thank them. If you have siblings, the opportunities are plentiful. Guys, tell your sisters when they look cute and also when they are dressing immodestly because we don’t always realize it. And girls, let’s give our bros high fives every time they turn away from the Victoria's Secret commercial or the magazine in the checkout line.
     We really can’t do this on our own. Because if all guys are consumed with lust, many of us girls will just plain give up because it’s hard and doesn’t always seem worth the effort. And if all girls are immodest, then it makes it even harder for guys to not give into viewing women as a piece of meat. And above all we need God. There is no other way that we can refuse the natural and strive for the heavenly.

North Dakota

2010-01-09T09:56:00.003-06:00

The smell of nostalgia hangs heavily in the air and the wind whips around you as you try to keep two feet firmly planted on the ground. You look around to see three feet of snow piled up in yards with drifts that can go above your head or right down to your toes so you can faintly see the grass beneath the snow. When you look our onto the horizon, you see lots and lots of flat land, dotted with patches of trees, as far as the eye can see. It's a strange, twisted sort of beauty that tries to fill your mind with both peace and madness at the same time. When it comes right down to it, it's simply North Dakota.

More to come soon...

Chaos

2010-01-08T16:59:00.002-06:00

Chaos.

That's one word to describe the insanity that these last three weeks have been. The first two weeks of Christmas break were stuffed full of celebrating Christmas, church events, hanging with my big bro, and time with friends. Then this last week I've technically not been of a break from school but was on "vacation" visiting my grandma in North Dakota (pictures to come later) and all I got done for school was one chapter in my history book. Epic fail there.

Part of the reason for the craziness is that as of January 1st, my dad/family are official church planters for the EFCA. The last two weeks of December were full of "lasts" and my dad tying up loose ends and doing his best to finish well. Now we are going to be visiting five churches in the next four weeks (all of them about an hour or more away... which means early wake up calls on Sunday mornings) as part of our support raising. We are already amazed at what God is doing and even though we aren't exactly sure when our next official pay check is coming, we have a God who will provide.

It's a terrifying yet breathtakingly exciting journey stepping out into the unknown, but God is with us. My dad preached on the 27th at Chisholm Baptist, probably for the last time, and he preached on Hebrews 11:32-40. He talked about how we as a family don't know if we are going to be in the group of people that stepped out in faith and conquered, or the group that was sawed in two. We prefer the former, but even if we end up in the latter, God still is faithful and the ending is up to Him.

So that's what's going on right now, or at least part of it. What's next? Only God knows. But I'm going along for this crazy ride and holding on tight to the fact that He knows what He's doing. And attempting to stay my wacky self through all of it. But I doubt that will be a challenge. It may just make me even more insane, but that's fine with me.

(The picture is from my photography walk in chilly North Dakota this week. A tiny old town provides a lot of good photo opportunities and I'll share them with you soon.)

Free Virginia

2009-12-14T23:39:00.000-06:00

Do you know the feeling when you are waiting for something for what seems like forever and all of a sudden, it's happening? Well that's how I feel about church planting. It's been over 2 1/2 years of praying, waiting, planning, waiting, and hoping about planting a church in Virginia, MN but only this fall did we get the official go ahead from the district. And now there are only 17 more days until it's here!

I must say that's it's quite scary at times, but also so very exciting! To see the Kingdom being expanded and looking forward to the gospel going out in our community is so awesome. For me, it's been a five year journey to figure out how to love this area. Those of you who know the Range will know that it's a rough area and it's a really hard place to move to. For years I struggled with bitterness towards the culture until I really started to understand it and came to love it.

It's a geographically beautiful area and I am one of those people who finds the big iron pits stunning (both in the fall and winter especially... oh... it gives me goosebumps!). But spiritually it is very dark and that darkness has been a hard thing to get used to and to truly start to change. Yet over time my heart has become burdened for my community that is so very lost. I am excited to see a place that is enslaved to sin be freed by the gospel!

My dad created a blog this week entitled Free Virginia until we get a website set up later on. Please go over and check it out! Also, on facebook we have a group for prayer partners and that's the easiest way to stay updated.

Please keep my family in your prayers as we embark on this journey into what really is unknown. God IS working though and it's obvious to see it! Things and people and money are all coming into place and we are left amazed by God's provision and perfect timing. It's been a crazy December and the rest of it will be crazy as well as we finish out our time at Chisholm Baptist and prepare for full time planting work. We will be taking a week to visit my grandma in ND and having some down time and then we'll start travelling to other churches for support raising and getting to know the community in Virginia better.

I know I haven't been posting much lately and that probably wont get better anytime soon, but do know that I'm thankful for all of you readers and appreciate you! I will try to keep y'all updated on planting and life up north (where it is COLD!!! -7 as a high tomorrow... ugg) so until next time, here is one more look at the beauty of the Range.

Let Us Not Forget

2009-12-02T13:27:00.001-06:00

LET US NOT FORGET

Amidst the paper and bows

Amidst the holiday glow

Amidst the carols we sing

Amidst the bells that ring;

Let us not forget.

When chaos takes control

When business refuses to let go

When we are rushing to and fro

When we are mindlessly going with the flow;

Let us not forget.

The tears of the child who lost parents to AIDS.

The struggle of the woman who sells her body unpaid.

The growl from the stomache of the hungry man.

The power of darkness that grips the land.

Let us not forget.

The hurt of the girl holding her pain inside.

The panic that grips the man with no way to provide.

The depression of the child who has been owned.

The abandonment of the widow left all alone.

Let us not forget.

How one person can make a difference.

How one voice can rises above the noise.

How one life can change another.

How one heart can help another come alive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

December 1st - World AIDS Day

December 2nd - International Day for the Abolition of Slavery

Let us not forget the 33 million with AIDS, 27 million slaves, and all the others that are hurting and suffering.

Church Planting

2009-11-27T21:53:00.001-06:00

September 1st, my family was officially approved by the Evangelical Free Church to plant a church in a nearby town and in early November it was officially announced at our current church where my dad serves as associate pastor. I've been meaning to blog about it for awhile, but it just hasn't happened. This week my dad posted on his blog about church planting, so here is the lowdown on the new adventure we are about to embark upon.

"The blog has not received a lot of attention again lately as we have been devoting our efforts to transitioning ministries. As of December 31, I will be leaving Chisholm Baptist to begin church planting work with the Evangelical Free Church in Virginia, Minnesota. We have been privileged to be a part of Chisholm Baptist for the last five years, but we are excited about the call that God has placed on us to plant.

St. Louis County is the least churched county in the state of Minnesota. Only 4% of the population is involved in an evangelical church. In the Virginia area, there are roughly 40,000 people and only about 2 evangelical churches with an average attendance over 100 people.

Starting in January, we will be raising support, doing evangelism and discipleship in the community, and preparing our core groups training curriculum. We covet your prayers. I have established a prayer group on Facebook that is open to the public. You can find it at “Iron Range Church Plant Prayer Partners.”

Also, we are currently scheduling visits to churches in January and February. If your church would like our family to come and share our vision for church planting, please send me an email for more information. While we do need individuals and churches to support this work during its startup, we would be willing to visit churches even if they do not have financial resources to join our financial support team.

Prayerlessness in American churches tends to be the norm. We want to establish a culture of prayer in the DNA of this new church. All the strategy, resources, and talent in the world cannot cause the regeneration of a single soul. Unless God moves, we labor in vain. Therefore, we invite you to join us in praying that God would pour out his Spirit in Northeastern Minnesota to cause the spiritually dead to be born again, to create a movement of new and healthy churches, and transform the region to one of spiritual deadness to one of spiritual vitality. We pray that every day the Iron Range would move towards a greater reflection of the rule and reign of Jesus Christ in our communities!"

Now, if you have any questions about planting, our plans, or the Iron Range, feel free to ask and I'll answer them for you guys. I know that to a lot of people, planting is a foreign idea and many people have lots of questions, but that's not bad! Asking questions is part of learning and I'm willing to answer them for you.

Our Adoption Story Part 1

2009-11-25T11:12:00.000-06:00

In the 1960s there was a young, sixteen year old girl from the Fargo North Dakota area who was pregnant. She may of been from a wealthy, or a poor home. She might of had a good relationship with the father of the child, or she may of not. Nothing is known about this girl but her age and that she gave up her little baby girl for adoption.

After a few months in foster care, this baby was placed to be adopted by the family of a Christian farmer, about an hour or so from Fargo. They had five boys, the youngest being about age four at the time, but they had no girls, and this baby was a welcome and dearly loved addition to their family. They named the baby Kimberly (Kim) and she grew up as much a part of her family as her five brothers.

As you may of guessed, Kim is my mom. God's sovereignty is so evident when looking at the full picture of my mom's story. Most likely my mom wouldn't of been raised in a Christian family, gone to a private school where she met my father, or had me or my biological brother, or adopted my other three siblings... if it wasn't for her own adoption. Of course, God could of worked out all these things, but it's still so amazing to see His mercy and grace in letting my mother be adopted.

It's been an interesting perspective to have an adopted mother. Growing up I think I always knew she was adopted, but when it came to my mom's family, it never felt any different then just plain family. But my mom's adoption has effected me and my entire family for the better. My grandparents started a very special legacy when they adopted my mom who went on to adopt and who's children have hearts for adoption.

My beautiful momma. :)

In part 2 I'll share what God has done with that legacy and how it's still alive and working today.

Interview with Talitha Piper

2009-11-24T14:36:00.004-06:00

I'm so excited to have a special treat for my readers today! Awhile back I had the privileged to get to know through the world of Twitter, Talitha Piper and later meet her at Desiring God's National conference this fall. Talthia is the daughter of pastor John Piper at Bethlehem Baptist Church. She was adopted as a baby by Pastor John and his wife Noel who has been posting Talitha's adoption story on her blog. When reading through her story I decided to ask Talitha to do an interview for Nobody416 and she graciously agreed. So without further ado...

  Olivia: You have a large age gap between you and your siblings and your parents were older when they adopted you. What have your good and bad experiences been with being the youngest by a long shot and having older parents? Any special memories with your siblings that you wouldn't of had if it wasn't for the age difference?

   Talitha: Well, yes there is a very large gap between my siblings and me! It has been really fun being the youngest. First of all, I am really close in age to my oldest niece so it's more like we are just friends instead of aunt and niece! And second, I really loved having older brothers because they were so much wiser and knew so much more than me! It also has helped me when I am thinking about what characteristics I would like my future husband to have. I feel so blessed because I have 5 godly and wise men in my life, (my brothers and my dad) who are good examples of fathers and husbands!

  Olivia: Have you ever been asked if you have met your "real parents"? If so, how have you responded?

Talitha: Yes I have been asked that question, but not a lot of times. So I don't really have an actual response I tell them but usually I just say that I have wonderful parents that I live with, and a wonderful Father in Heaven, and somewhere a mother who loved me and had to give me up. I guess, I don't really give a straight answer, I just tell them how blessed I am!

  Olivia: Do you ever think of what your life would of been like if it wasn't for the Pipers adopting you? If so, what do you sometimes imagine that to be like?

Talitha: I actually hardly think about what my life would've been like if it wasn't for the Pipers adopting me. But when I do, I imagine growing up in a house where God is never spoken about, or mentioned. I thank God that I was adopted by the Pipers!

  Olivia: Your mom talks about how you always have known that you were adopted and they've been very open with you. How has that impacted the way you see adoption?

Talitha: I see adoption as a little picture of how God adopts us. The excitement, the pain, the sorrow, the joy! I think that I wouldn't connect earthly adoption to heavenly adoption if it wasn't for my parents giving me a godly definition (and example!!) of adoption.

  Olivia: When you were adopted, your family became biracial (as mine also is). What has that experience been like for your family and particularly you?

Talitha: My dad takes me out every Saturday for lunch. I have noticed some people kind of giving a sideways glance at us. They don't usually openly stare. Or when my mom and I go out together, sometimes people think that she is my grandma, or some other relation or guardian. Overall, the experience hasn't been bad or anything.

Olivia: Has being physically adopted effected your perception of spiritual adoption?

Talitha: Yes. I kind of touched on that on another question. But I can say it again! Being physically adopted is very special, but being spiritually adopted is ten thousand times better!! My family is only biracial. God's family is multi racial. That is so amazing! I have been adopted twice in my life. Physically and Spiritually! I thank God everyday for that!

  Olivia: Does having parents of a different race effect how others have looked at you or been perceived?

Talitha: No, It really hasn't. I mean yeah, strangers look at me and my parents but not really anyone else. I also have a lot of adopted friends and my family has friends who have adopted children of other races as well.

  Olivia: What advice and encouragement would you have to others that have been adopted by parents of a different race?

Talitha: Let your physical adoption help you think more about your spiritual adoption. Think about how you don't look like your parents, well, we are not like the Father. We are not perfect. The Father IS perfect. We who are adopted don't look like our parents. We maybe don't act like our parents. But we are like our parents in a big way, We all have sinned. Think how special it is to be adopted, physically, and most of all spiritually. Thank God frequently for being adopted in both ways!

For more of Talitha (and a picture of her dad as Superman...) check out her blog Talitha Going Godward. Thanks again to Talitha for being willing to do this! In the next week I'll be posting my family's adoption story so come back for that.

National Adoption Month

2009-11-13T15:58:00.001-06:00

November has been named National Adoption month, which in all truthfulness must make November the coolest month out of the year. Adoption is such a wondrous thing and it is something that is a part of God's character. He adopts us based on the merit of Jesus' blood and it's the most precious thing to see the same concept played back on earth.

Adoption is very near and dear to my heart for many reasons. One of them being that I am effected it every day from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed. From saying good morning to my favorite little goobers to having a heart to heart conversation with my mom, to eating popcorn with my little sister, it's all around me. My sweet family makes every day adoption day and I love it that way.

Another reason that it is near and dear to me is the fact that it's near and dear to God's heart. He has chosen to adopt us and make us His own, the most glorious thing! Not only that, but the Bible says repeatedly that God is the father of the fatherless and their protector. In our efforts to imitate the heart of God and become more like Him, we are to love, protect, and provide for the orphans in the world.

So, because I feel that this is such an extremely important topic and because it is one that is so close to home (actually... in my home...) I want to put a focus on it this November for my blog. It's quite fitting that November is also seen as a month to prepare to give thanks, and one of the things I am most thankful for in my life is adoption. For without it I would not be who I am today.

So grab a cup of tea (or coffee if you prefer) and get ready to hear me ramble on about adoption for the remainder of November. I'll be sharing both my family's story, and inviting some friends to share their stories. I hope you enjoy and come back to read more. Until next time, I leave you with a picture that I think captures true siblings; whether it's a blood or legal relation, it is still a connection of the heart.

Sam (now 19), Corina (now 12), and me (now 14) about eight years ago.

I'm Not Sure if it's Pathetic or Cool That...

2009-11-11T22:56:00.000-06:00

I'm Not Sure if it's Pathetic or Cool That...

I've spent the last few months checking the shoe selection of every thrift store I go to for size 8 or 8 1/2 converse shoes.
When I found said shoes yesterday I did a fist pump and almost yelled "Victory!" in the store. And now today I spent a long time figuring out what clothes would work best with my yellow Converse All Stars and yet my cream Vera Wang scarf, both from Savers.
My three year old brother drank Green tea today... out of a sippy cup...
My 19 month old brother loves coffee... I mean... REALLY loves coffee...
I scare my mother at times by singing Barney songs really loudly... like "It's cold, brr, I wish I had fur, I wish I was a bear with furry, furry hair because it's cold!" (Now I'm singing it again...)
I feel bad when I walk past a Starbucks without buying anything because I think Abigail would be disappointed in me.
My mom doesn't believe I could only spend twenty minutes in Barnes & Nobel.
I can take over 777 pictures in a two hour span.
I wear chopsticks in my hair, then take them out and eat fried rice with them, wash them off, then put them back in my hair.
I wear a Kimono at times just because it's weird, then I have my mom take a picture of me just to document my weirdness. I do the same when I wear bright yellow tights and chopsticks in my hair.
It's rare I read a fiction book that is good and I don't cry. And that if I know the ending is sad, I find it hard to finish a book.
I'm an English geek that can't spell and has horrible grammar.
My sister taught our three year old brother to say "I'm Mr. Darcy" and I taught him all about chivalry and to hit snakes, not sisters.
I am making such a strange list... wow... I'm really, really, really weird.

The Magical Land of Awesomeness

2009-11-03T09:29:00.000-06:00

Since July I have had an inspiration for this piece of poetry but finally wrote it about a week ago. It's my first poem written totally in free verse and sort of an experiment in that style. (I'm taking British Lit. right now and learning about poetry and they encourage free verse, so I thought it was about time to try my hand at meter and rhyme free poetry.) I hope you enjoy!

I push open the door and I step inside.
An aroma,
Sweet and pure,
Floods my senses.
The mixture of a magical bean,
And the crisp smell of paper,
Seem to illuminate the mind.

The sight of knowledge,
Of souls on paper,
Of everything you could ever dream to know,
Is all sitting in front of you.
Whatever you could want to learn
There is a private instructor in the room.
Just waiting for orders so they can be used.

The familiar logo
Comes into view.
A smile comes to my face,
My steps quicken,
I hurry up to the counter,
Order a latte or tea.
I sigh and sip,
Life seems perfect.

So now I go to explore
Through paper jungles.
Until I find the beast I’d like to conquer,
I take it from it’s home,
I finger it gently
Then decide to make my move.
I open it up and take a look
And if what I see pleases me
I’ll find a good chair to sit in
After the exhaust of the search.
I relax and dive right in
To simple thoughts on paper,
Now flowing into my mind.

I dearly desire that you have guessed
Where this lovely land of coffee and paper dwells.
Of course this is the one and only…
Barnes & Nobel

The Forgotten Blessing of Sleep

2009-11-02T10:52:00.000-06:00

It was a typical evening of browsing a few things online, checking my email, facebook, and twitter, it was nothing out of the ordinary. I saw a tweet by Not For Sale and decided to take another look at their website (abolition websites sometimes jumble up in my mind). Usually I’m not a fan of the intros to websites, but this one struck me. The background was dark and there was this little lantern that shed a small area of light and you moved it by moving your cursor to see the words. The words before me was a simple sentence: “Right now, 1 million children are being forced to sell their bodies for sex.”

Now, I know the human trafficking stats. I’ve heard them dozens of times, I’ve read books and blog posts about slavery, and I have made it a point to educate myself on the human trafficking crisis. But somehow this statistic effected me in a much stronger way then all the others I have heard.

This may be because I am a teen girl and on that particular night I was getting ready to go to bed. I was about to curl up under the warm covers and sleep (hopefully) peacefully. I had no need to worry about my safety and for me, my bed is a safe place where I can relax and let my worries drift away. Yet there are one million children who don’t have that opportunity.

Instead of hitting the hay, they are hitting the streets. Instead of night being a time of relaxing, it is a time of work and abuse. Instead of feeling safe in a bed, they are being violated. While the average child or teen in America is whining about having to go to bed, there are one million children who’s greatest wish is to be able to go to bed.

So often I am struck by the many things I take for granted that would mean the world to someone else. The night when this concept dawned on me, I went to bed more thankful then most of the other nights in my life. Hopefully tonight I’ll go to bed more thankful as well, and not only thankful to the God that has blessed me, but begging the same God for the deliverance of those that are slaves to sin and to man.

The Art of Editing (Which I'm Only Learning)

2009-10-27T16:46:00.000-05:00

I've always been that girl that loved to take pictures, but I certainly have not been a "photographer" very long. My first attempts at photography was with disposable cameras at summer Bible camp in elementary school. They were... well... let's just say that they will not likely ever be recognized as works of art. Not with my forgetfulness to use the flash at least. =)

About a year ago I got my own digital camera from birthday and babysitting money and that was basically used for events like camp, retreats, conferences, etc. Sometime last year I discovered an online editing service and used it the way most teen girls use it... to make silly pictures to share on facebook.

Last spring I lost my semi cheap digital camera, but I was never too disappointed because it was already starting to break. I started to use my dad's digital camera, which is much better quality, to take pictures of my adorable little brothers, my big brother's grad party, and things like that. I discovered that I really liked photography and eventually, in about July, I discovered that I could do a lot more then just silly pictures with my online editor and my hobby of photography and photo editing developed.

Now the majority of my "photography education" has come through trial and error. The benefit with learning by trial and error is that you are always learning something new. Some of the things that I've learned lately about editing photos is that, 1) Edited pictures don't always need to look edited. 2) Simplicity is key in most cases. 3) Don't use anything goofy unless just doing a silly picture that you know is silly and such. 4) There are so many ways to edit a single picture so don't just stop at one if it's a good picture.

Now that brings you to the pictures below... I took this picture in August and just today I decided to take a look at it again and try several different ways to edit them. Now it's your turn to tell me what photos are your favorite or tips for more ways to edit the picture. (I know, I didn't do a black and white picture... shame on me...)

(Oh, and don't ask me what I did to them exactly... I use different ways to curve the lighting and such so I rarely can remember what I did afterwards.)

(And, I realize this isn't the best photo ever. It was one that looked awesome on the camera but on the computer the way it is focused is sort of blah. But it was just the picture that I chose to edit at the time.)

Mountains, Valleys, and Plateaus

2009-10-21T12:25:00.000-05:00

Last summer we visited my cousins in Western Montana for my oldest cousin's graduation and while we were there, we decided to hike up a (somewhat) small mountain. When we were over half way up the mountain, my brother and dad decided to go on "just a little farther" and I was tired so I sat and looked out at the beautiful Montana mountains... it was stunning and there was a certain "high" from feeling on top of the world.

It was even more stunning when I ended up going farther up the trail (in search of my brother and dad who went farther then anticipated) and ended up at the top of the mountain. It truly was a "mountain top experience" and awe inspiring to look out from almost a mile above the city and see the mountains around me, which were even higher. It was humbling, yet almost empowering.

Our view from only a little ways up the mountain.

Going up the mountain was hard, especially as it got farther up and the air got thinner, but it was so worth it... the end result was amazing. Going down on the other hand was easy, very easy, but not as rewarding. I think it's the same way in our walk with Christ.

We can have these times where our relationship with God is just thriving. It's amazing and everything seems so awesome and inspiring. Our prayers and times in God's word seem so alive and fruitful. We are passionate and feel so alive with the reality of God's presence.

And then there are the times in the Valley. Things are hard, really hard, but that can make us to cry out to God even more. Our trials are often used to strengthen us, even when we look to questioning God, He often brings us to a point of being assured of His mercy and faithfulness.

In the book of Puritan prayers, The Valley of Vision the first prayer talks beautifully of this:

LORD, High and Holy, Meek and Lowly
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
Where I live in the depths but see in the heights;
Hemmed in by the mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.

And I can't leave out one more place, the plateau. For this tends to be the most common place and that's where I seem to be finding myself currently. Nothing is bad, but nothing seems so "good" either. It's a battle to just spend time in God's word and apathy is plentiful. The desire to just coast on by and be complacent is everywhere. This is the easiest place to be... yet very dangerous.

For the average person, the so-so, normal, apathetic times are plentiful and the mountain peak and valley times come along every once in awhile. Yet, we need to fight complacency and apathy... even though we don't always feel like it. We need to learn to keep on running the race when we really just want to walk casually along.

But we can't do it on our own strength. We need to rely on the work of Christ and what's He's done through the cross and His resurrection. In addition to relying on God's mercies, which the Bible tells us are new every morning.

And above all, no matter if you are on top of the mountain, in the valley, or on the plateau, we need to rely on Christ for our strength to go on. For the way up the mountain is hard, the valley dwelling is hard, and the plateau is hard... but we have a powerful God!

My brother Sam on top on the mountain.

I Moved! (And Mrs. Kraft's Blog Party)

2009-10-19T13:46:00.000-05:00

Well, back in about May I really, really wanted to get a better theme but I never was able to find anything I liked on Wordpress so I started talking to my amazing (and artistic) friend Abigail Kraft about designing a blog for me and then I ended up winning a blog design giveaway from her (and isn't it lovely?!). We just ran into a snag about converting HTML to CSS and all that complicated stuff so after quite a few months of not being sure if I should switch to blogger or not, here I am, switching to blogger.

I must say, it feels sort of nice. It has all the excitement of starting a blog all over again! Of course it was a little nerve wracking switching and making the plunge, and not knowing if I would keep my subscribers... but I like adventure!

Speaking of my lovely friend Abigail... her mom is having a fun little blog party this week and we both thought this would be a great way for me to start out my time at Blogger. So welcome to all of you who are visiting from Lynnette Kraft's blog for the blog party, isn't Mrs. Kraft just wonderful?! (The entire Kraft family just plain rocks in my opinion.)

So onto the wonderful world of random questions...

1. What is your favorite thing to snack on while blogging?

Hands down tea and popcorn... while reading, writing, blogging, photo editing, movie watching... anything really, it's just my favorite snack.

2. What is one thing you wouldn't want to live without?

My dad's awesome cannon... though I could live without it if I had a better one.

3. Beach, mountains, or farm? Where would you live if you had the choice?

It's simple really... I'd have a farmhouse overlooking the beach with mountains in the background.

4. What is your least favorite household chore/duty?

Wiping my 1 1/2 year old brother's hands and face after he gets done eating... that boy SWIMS in his food!!

5. Who do people say you remind them of?

My mom says I remind her of Kiera Knightly (her Pride and Prejudice look), my uncles and my mom's family members say I look JUST like her, I've been told I look like Arwen (from Lord of the Rings), and a few other people... what do you think?

6. Prefer parties and socializing or staying at home with the fam?

Because I spend a lot of time with my family, when I have the chance for parties and socializing I pick that, but I really love both.

7. What's your all time favorite movie?

Princess Bride!!! Oh, that movie is one of the most brilliant ever to be made. I also love Pride and Prejudice, Amazing Grace, and Slumdog Millionaire (the rating of this movie is deceiving).

8. Do you sleep in your makeup or do you remove it like a good girl every night?

Ummm.... no comment.... I try to at least use a toner/makeup remover if I don't wash it but sometimes that doesn't happen...

9. Do you have a hidden talent or a deep desire to learn something that you've never had the chance to learn? What is it?

No hidden talent, but I have some random things that I would like to learn like calligraphy, design (interior, web design, etc), drums, how to make amazing sugar free brownies, and how to use Photoshop.

10. What's one strange thing that you're really good at?

Being a dork. =P Oh, and entertaining little kids by putting on a full singing and dancing show... they get a kick out of it, or tell me to stop.

11. What first attracted you to your spouse?

I'll get back to you on that one... give me... say about 5 to 10 years or more.

12. What is something you love to smell?

Brownies and chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven... *happy sigh*

13. Tell something about you that you know irritates people.

Sometimes people get irritated with me because I'm too goofy or outgoing... and sometimes they get irritated with me because I am too serious and quiet. I have a talent for irritating people though, just ask my family and friends. ;)

14. When you have extra money (HA!) what is the first thing you think to do with it?

Goodwill, consignment stores, the book(s) I've had my eye for forever...

15. Are you a silent laugher of a loud laugher? What makes you laugh the hardest?

I'm in between... I laugh out loud but I really don't have a loud laugh (at least compared to some people I know... *laughs at the thoughts of other's laughs*). My baby brothers, witty humor, my friends, and others laughing makes me laugh the hardest.

16. Where is your favorite place to shop?

Thrift stores!!!! And Barnes and Nobel... ahh... I love that place!

17. What's one thing you'd do more often if you had more time?

Design my own clothes and bags... I would love to learn how to sew my own clothing, but I simply don't have the time.

18. Are you a big spender or frugal?

Frugal, all the way. You should see me when I find good deals... I get a total high and am buzzing for hours. :)

19. Who's your favorite character of all time (from a movie or book)? (Can't be real.)

I can't pick only one... so I'll list some of my favorites... Anne Shirley, Jo March (Little Women), Elizabeth Bennett (Pride & Prejudice), Aslan (Narnia), Jamal (Slumdog Millionaire), Jane Eyre, Mr. Darcy (Pride & Prejudice) and Frodo (Lord of the Rings).

20. Would you want to be famous?

Kind of... yet not really... I would like to have a large realm of influence though and be well known.

So that's some random pieces of me. I hope you enjoyed a glimpse inside of me. Now head over to Mrs. Kraft's blog and link up yourself (if you've not done so already)!