A Notebook of Songs

 {Written last night - excuse me - this morning.}

     It’s 1:15am as I sit here, writing this on a fresh Word document, and I am filled with a sense of accomplishment. It’s official: my song notebook is full. Just writing those words brought a thrill to me as I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact. 75 standard notebook size pages of rough drafts of my songs. It’s humbling and amazing at the same time.

 I vividly remember sitting in my bedroom in third grade and writing my first song and what an incredibly horrible song it was! It had an unoriginal melody and the words were as corny as corny could get. Yet my mom put it in our family Christmas letter that year and I was so incredibly proud of my work.

 I already know that many of the songs in the notebook that I’ve used since last fall aren’t very good. In fact, a dozen come to mind and make me frustrated at the thought, but then I think of some of the growth and it excites me. It’s not that even my good songs right now are really that good, but it’s the idea that I’m growing and it’s going to get better the more I work at it. You never know, with persistence and dedication, maybe someday I’ll have one amazing song.

 But more then amazing songs, songwriting is just a way for me to put a piece of my soul onto paper. Every song is a piece of me and it makes me scared to put it out for other people to critique because it’s like putting myself out there. My brother Sam, who is an amazing songwriter, reminded me this fall that it’s something that you “just have to get over” if you ever want to excel in the art. Songs aren’t meant to be kept to yourself, but they are meant to touch people in a special way.

 All gifts are from God, including songs that fill our heads and come out our lips. I for one don’t want to be an ungrateful servant who does nothing with what God has given me. My brother would say that he doesn’t try to write “Christian” music but rather he writes “whatever songs God gives me”. And they don’t do anything sitting in a computer or notebook except help yourself.

 So anyway, in honor of filling up a notebook and needing to buy a new one, I’ll share some of my songs on my blog. (EEEK! Did I seriously just say that???) Though the idea sort of freaks me out (okay, it really freaks me out), I’ll do it. Feel free to critique, but please… be kind!